Page 21 of Portrait of a Lady
As she remembered every blissful second, she couldn’t avoid a niggling of trepidation. The evening had gone better than she had expected, for certain. But, while it had awakened her curiosity over what might happen next, it also brought her uncertainty back to life.
What was supposed to have been a simple kiss had progressed quickly into something else; something carnal and wicked and exciting. Hugh had overwhelmed her beyond her embarrassment and anxiety, turning her into a panting, writhing wanton. With the event still so fresh in her mind, and with tonight’s visit looming in the all too near future, one thought dominated her mind.
Come tomorrow morning, she would no longer be a virgin.
If a single kiss could lead to him half-undressing her and touching her in places no man had ever laid his hands, then how quickly could she expect things to move this evening? There would be no threat of discovery, no need to remain aware that they could be caught at any moment. They would be shut away in private, with nothing but time and opportunity stretching before them. And while the notion of finally being rid of her maidenhead pleased her, it also reminded her of one fundamental truth.
She had no earthly idea what she was doing.
Benedict had assured her that experience wasn’t necessary, and Hugh seemed to be in complete control as well as quite knowledgeable. That didn’t stop a surge of worry from overcoming her at not knowing exactly what to expect. Relations between men and women had never been explained to her. Her mother and sisters had been tight-lipped about the mechanics of it, assuring her that she would learn what she needed to know on her wedding night. Her eldest sister, Beatrice, had confided that their mother had sat her down the night before her wedding to attempt to explain intercourse to her. There had been a great deal of stammering and blushing, and Bea had only gathered that the act would be painful and degrading, but that one must do her duty in order to please her husband. Helen had told Evelyn that it hadn’t been unpleasant at all, but rather wonderful, yet had neglected to divulge any useful details.
With no husband to tutor her and no clear picture of what to do or expect, Evelyn had worked herself into a state of panic. What if Hugh found her boring, or saw her lack of knowledge as infantile? What if he thought bedding her to be quite the most boring thing he’d ever done? He’d never tell her so, as he was being paid to tup her as often as she wished. But even knowing that, Evelyn did not want him to dislike it, nor did she relish simply lying there and waiting for him to tell her what she was to do.
She hadn’t even known that pleasures such as the feel of a mouth upon her breast, or the touch of a hand between her legs existed. How much more was there for her to learn and experience? Would she like it all as much as the things he’d done to her last night?
With a frustrated sigh, she threw back the bedclothes and sat up, determined not to give in to such fears. She had pushed her trepidation aside to orchestrate the arrangement, so why shouldn’t she continue in that way? A woman who had hired a courtesan for her own gratification needn’t cower behind ignorance and fear. No, she would spend the day preparing herself, so that by the time Hugh arrived she would know what to expect and perhaps even what she might do to make the experience better for them both.
Determination drove her to send a servant asking for her breakfast in the morning room, and for her companion to meet her there. Patience would help her, of that Evelyn had no doubt. Her companion had taken a handful of lovers over the years and was not shy about speaking of her experiences. It was Evelyn who often changed the subject whenever Patience spoke on matters that made her face and neck grow hot. Today, she would not avoid the subject any longer. She would draw on the other woman’s experience and listen to every salacious detail, no matter how it made her heart pound, or her hands shake.
Evelyn hurried through her morning toilette and then rushed down to the morning room, where a tray laden with breakfast awaited her.
She had just taken her first bite of toast and sip of tea when her companion entered the drawing room, eyes twinkling with excitement as she swiftly closed the door behind her.
“Good morning,” Evelyn murmured between bites, trying to keep her tone nonchalant. “How was your evening?”
Patience and Joseph had returned much later than she had, Evelyn having fallen asleep before hearing them enter the house.
Her companion sank onto the sofa beside her with a wide grin. “Oh, no you don’t! I won’t tell you a thing until you’ve told me howyourevening went.”
Evelyn took her time preparing a cup of tea for Patience, avoiding the other woman’s gaze.
“Well,” she began while handing the cup off. “It was quite pleasant.”
Patience glared at her over the rim of her teacup. “Is that it? Only pleasant? Come, Miss, I’ve been on pins and needles waiting to hear every little detail!”
With a sigh, Evelyn stared off across the room, cheeks growing warm as she thought of Hugh kissing her, touching her, pulling down her gown to expose her breasts.
“It was...quite wonderful, really,” she said with a little smile. “Hugh was a perfect gentleman.”
Patience scoffed. “I hope he wasn’ttooperfect a gentleman.”
“What I mean is, he was content to allow me to set the pace of things. He didn’t lay a hand upon me until I asked him to.”
Reaching for a triangle of toast from her tray, Patience gave her a perfectly wicked grin. “And just where did he put those hands? He had nice ones; I studied them before we parted ways.”
“I asked him to kiss me,” she confided. “And he did...with quite a bit more finesse than I was expecting. Patience, it was unlike any kiss I’ve ever experienced. He kissed me so well and so thoroughly that I forgot to be nervous. Before I knew it, he had my gown pulled down, and...and his hand…”
She lowered her gaze as she tripped over the words, flushing to the roots of her hair.
“He touched me...there.”
Patience gasped, her cup hitting the saucer with a loud ‘clank.’ “He didnot!”
“He did. It was...sublime.”
Sliding closer to her on the sofa and lowering her voice, Patience fairly overflowed with excitement. “Did he make you spend?”
Evelyn remembered the soul-stirring spasms that had gripped her while Hugh had rubbed his hand against her with such skill and accuracy. “Is that what it’s called when you...when it feels like you’ve died for a moment?”
