Page 46 of Portrait of a Lady
He cleared his throat and focused his attention back on the palette. “Our arrangement is as temporary as all the others have been. She understands my intention to be done acting as a courtesan after the Exhibition has passed.”
Aubrey’s expression became knowing as he continued staring at Hugh as if studying a specimen under a microscope. “And you have discussed the end of your arrangement? You have both come to terms with parting ways?”
Aggravation made Hugh’s movements jerky and abrupt, his teeth now on edge. Damn them, he did not want to have this conversation. He’d been perfectly happy carrying on as he had been, and purposelynotthinking or speaking of this.
“Of course they haven’t,” Benedict said with a scoff. “It’s written all over his face. Dash it, Hugh...you’re going to have to start thinking about it. If Evelyn isn’t ready for this to end and you are, then arrangements must be made to keep her happy.”
Bile rose up in the back of Hugh’s throat as he thought over what a new ‘arrangement’ would entail. If he could no longer act as Evelyn’s lover and she still desired one …
“And just what sort of arrangement would that be?” he rasped, bracing both hands on the surface of the table.
Benedict shrugged. “I’m not certain, though we do have a few gentlemen who are between keepers at the moment. You know her well enough by now, don’t you? Who do you think would be the best match for her?”
Hugh curled one of his hands into a fist on the tabletop, his ire rising faster than he could stop it. The urge to break Benedict’s nose came over him with a startling ferocity.
“Isn’t Nick available?” Aubrey mused. “He’s got a way with the shy ones. His sense of humor never fails to put them at ease.”
“Yes, I’d quite forgotten that his arrangement recently ended. I think Evelyn would like him.”
“Nick is all wrong for her,” Hugh ground out, his left eye beginning to twitch with the effort to maintain control of his emotions. “They would never suit.”
His friends exchanged amused glances, seeming to communicate without speaking. It only served to further annoy him.
“You know, I think he’s right,” Benedict said. “What about James? He’s fairly new but seems to have a way with the virginal ones. I always said he could come to be as good as Hugh with time.”
“Not him,” Hugh interjected before Aubrey could answer.
“I cannot see why it should matter when you’ve decided to be done with her,” Aubrey pointed out. “Unless...what you want is tonotbe done with her.”
Hugh pounded his fist against the table, rattling his brushes and sending paint-stained water sloshing from the bowl. “I will be done with her, but that doesn’t mean I want her handed off to just anyone. She deserves—”
He bit his tongue, knowing he’d nearly revealed too much. These men might be his friends but admitting what he truly wanted to either of them would be a terrible mistake. He couldn’t let himself say it aloud...not when he knew it could never be.
“It sounds to me as if you don’t want her handed off to anyone at all,” Aubrey murmured, a heavy measure of pity filling his gaze. “Will you not even admit to yourself that you love her? We’ve seen you with her, Hugh, we see the way you look at her. You’ve always been the romantic one, but this woman is different.”
No, he could not admit it. Admitting it would damn him, and he was barely keeping his head above water as it was. He cared for Evelyn. But, love? Love was for people who could last. It wasn’t a temporary emotion; it was permanent and eternal. And there was nothing lasting about his arrangement with Evelyn.
“She ispayingme for the illusion of love,” he insisted, forcing himself to accept the words he spoke as truth. “It is what I do, what I’ve always done. I give them my attention and my affection; I make them believe it is real until our time is up and I move on. I’m very good at it, as we all know…that doesn’t make any of it real.”
Benedict opened his mouth as if to protest, but the sound of shuffling feet from across the room stole their attention. Hugh snapped his head up, his gaze falling on the slight figure standing in the shadowed doorway. The lamplight illuminated Evelyn’s face, her wide eyes brimming with unshed tears, her lips parted as if in shock. She wore his dressing gown, which she held closed over her chest with a shaking hand.
His heart plummeted into his gut, his blood running cold as he realized she had to have been standing there long enough to hear more than he’d ever intended for her to.
He straightened, steeling himself to chase her, to go after her when she inevitably turned away, dismissing him from her mind as well as her life. His friends seemed torn between leaving them here and staying to help smooth things over. A crying woman in a room filled with men was never a good thing.
She stood there for a long, tense moment, her accusing gaze falling on him, the conflicting emotions of anger and sadness warring in her eyes.
Benedict stepped forward, breaking the silence. “Miss Coburn, I—”
“It is good to see you again, Mr. Sterling,” she said, her voice low and strained, though she remained composed. “Actually, I am glad you are here. You see, I’ve decided that the time has come for my arrangement with Mr. Radcliffe to end. Now, I can also assure you that no further services are needed. I got what I paid for, and there is no need for the three of you to stand around discussing who I might be passed off to next.”
Hugh stumbled around the table, suddenly unable to feel his legs. He’d gone completely numb save for his pounding heart which ached like the very devil when he noticed the hurt radiating from her gaze and making her chin tremble.
“Evie, it wasn’t like that,” he managed, grappling for words—any words that would convince her it hadn’t been as mercenary as it had sounded.
Raising her chin a notch, she pinned him with a look that made him feel lower than dirt. “It hardly matters, does it? I paid you for a service, and you delivered. What else is there?”
Everything,his mind railed.There’s the fact that I’ve fallen in love with you but have been too afraid to say so for fear you did not feel the same way.
