Page 30 of Taming of the Rake
After shrugging out of her dressing gown, she paused to face the mirror pushed into a far corner of the room. The reflection that met her was a pitiful one, and Regina had to force herself to confront it. During their courtship, Randolph had often waxed poetic about her beauty, leading her to believe he found something worth lingering over when he looked at her. Over the subsequent eight years, her husband had done everything within his power to tear that assumption to shreds. If his derisive remarks about the way she dressed or the style of her hair hadn’t been enough to destroy what little confidence she’d had in her own allure, then his many affairs would have done the trick. Regina had lain eyes on several of his lovers, seeing in them all the things she lacked. Hair that wasn’t such a garish and eye-snaring color. Eyes that sparkled with promise and the kind of joy Regina hadn’t possessed since girlhood. Faces that weren’t cursed with the smattering of unfashionable freckles.
Pressing a hand to her chest, she noted the collarbone that had begun to protrude too far after the first few years. Even her taste for food had been dimmed, and eating had become more about survival than enjoyment. Before she could lose her nerve, Regina pushed the chemise off her shoulders and let it fall to her feet. She had hardly ever allowed Randolph to see her nude, preferring to let him hitch up her nightgown and take what he wanted from her, keeping the fabric between them like a shield. Not that he had ever shown interest in doing anything other than penetrating her with his prick. Her gaze fell to the thatch of fiery curls between her thighs, and she shivered as she recalled David’s intent gaze on that most secret of places.
His stare had been the most bewildering part of the entire thing. Even in the dark she had registered the interest and curiosity in his eyes, as if the challenge of her body intrigued him in some way. Dare she allow herself to think there had been something else in those glittering blue depths? Desire, maybe? Need?
It was so odd, this idea that a man could look at her and want to do more than take and take until she had nothing left to give. She cupped a heavy breast with one hand, shame washing over her in a crushing tidal wave as she strummed her thumb over the nipple. Regina fought it back, determined to solve this mystery, to herself, as well as the man she had taken into her bed. A tingle of sensation flared where she touched herself, the nipple furling taut and protruding as if begging for more of that touch. Both nipples had felt like this last night when David was inside her, the tight buds rasping against her nightgown and begging for … something. She gave the nipple a light pinch and sucked in a sharp breath at the resulting twinge that shot through her, striking deep in her belly and ending in a pulse between her legs.
What would it feel like to have that intense gaze stroking all over her bare skin, seeing her in a way no one ever had? Would he touch her the way she touched herself? Could she endure it if he did?
Regina turned away from the mirror and retreated to the bath. Resting her head on the lip of the tub, she closed her eyes. Her right nipple still tingled from the pinch of her fingers, and that feeling in her quim had yet to abate—like a shadow of what David had stoked within her last night.
Keeping her eyes shut tight, she spread her knees until they touched the opposite sides of the tub. Embarrassment flooded her face and neck with heat, but she was alone, she was curious, and she had to know. Resting a hand on her belly, she took a deep breath and gathered what pitiful courage she possessed and allowed it to travel.
Her skin was smooth and soft beneath the water, a sharp juxtaposition to the abrasion of hairs at her groin. For a long while, she could only lie there with her palm cupping her mound, her breath coming in short rough spurts. Regina had never touched herself in any way that was not practical. If she wasn’t in the bath, her hands never strayed to those womanly bits, the ones she’d come to realize could produce enjoyable sensations. She had learned everything she knew about intercourse from her mother and her husband, and neither had told her anything aboutthis. The heat of her felt different than the warmth of the water, the tender flesh within her seam unlike the skin anywhere else on her body.
Finally, she began to explore, tracing the opening of her sheath and the delicate folds … and then the tiny knot which created a burst of breathtaking sensation. She pressed the tip of her first finger against it, her belly clenching as the feeling became sharper. This was where David had touched her, where he had produced those limb-shaking tremors that rocked Regina to her core. The memory of him flooded her mind, and she mimicked the movements of his thumb, circling and pressing, learning herself. Her own touch was nothing like David’s, but it was enough to awaken those secret parts of herself. It was enough to make her pinch her lips around a soft whimper of delighted shock. Her legs became restless beneath the water, and her quim pulsed and throbbed as if with its own heartbeat.
Had her body been capable of this all along? Had she simply suffered for lack of knowledge and the callousness of a husband who hadn’t bothered to show her that copulation could be pleasurable for a woman?
Regina wrestled with sudden anger as she wondered whether Randolph been different with his mistresses. Her husband had drawn women like bees to flowers, and Regina never understood how any of them could willingly offer him their bodies. She knew firsthand what it was like to be subjected to his attentions. But perhaps she hadn’t been privy to the entire truth.
Releasing a frustrated huff, she withdrew her hand, leaving herself yearning and annoyed. Thoughts of Randolph’s perfidy had ruined the experience for her, making it difficult to hold fast to the memories that had prompted her explorations.
Regina took up a cake of soap and began scrubbing herself with rough, furious motions, jaw clenched so hard it ached. She had made herself into everything a wife should be—quiet and demure, modest and willing to please. It had not been enough. Lacking the patience to coax her into learning how to enjoy the marriage bed, Randolph had simply used her when no other woman was about, and then discarded her when he was finished.
By the time she finished washing and left the tub, Regina had worked herself into a state of determined resolution. Randolph’s death had opened a world of possibility to her, and thus far she had thought only of her financial freedom and the opportunity to have the child she wanted. But, what if there could be more? What if she could take delight in the conception of her babe, as David suggested? The assertion seemed preposterous at the time, but it now filled her with hope.
Regina had no delusions about a happy future with a man who cared about her, or lasting love. But, if she could experience passion and pleasure, why shouldn’t she seize that opportunity with both hands?
Wrapped in a length of toweling, she marched to her dressing room to select a gown and send for her maid. She had an apology, as well as another proposition to make. She needed to do both before she lost her nerve.
David trudgedtoward home as the sun began its descent on the horizon, limbs heavy with exhaustion. Never in twenty-eight years had he imagined he might labor alongside his tenants, even knowing he was set to inherit a massive farm and estate. He’d been raised knowing there were men a gentleman could hire to do the work, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Before and after his journey to London, he had spent a great deal of time in the company of Mr. Stone—who introduced him to several of the men who had worked for his father. Their advice led to his decision to slaughter half his herd of sheep. They hadn’t enough feed in their stores to last them through winter, most of the enclosures were in shambles, and the sale of meat and wool would further fill his coffers and provide the money for other much-needed improvements.
Of course, since so many men were busy making important repairs on their homes, and others simply refused to labor until that work was done, they were short on manpower for the task. Stone’s offer to teach him how to shear, slaughter, and butcher sheep had been made in jest, and David’s reluctant agreement had taken the man by surprise. Never one to back down from a challenge, he threw himself into the task—and had only become sick at the sight and odors of animal innards only twice.
He now returned home much the way he did every evening—sweating despite the cold, his shirt stained with substances he would rather not try to identify. He had washed at a water pump, so at least his hands, face, and neck were clean.
He supposed he ought to make quick work of cleaning himself up and scarfing down a meal if he wanted to arrive at Regina’s home on time. David’s mouth turned down at the thought of his client, who probably wouldn’t be very happy to see him. Hell, he doubted anything had made that woman happy in a long time. As much as it disturbed David, it also annoyed him that he was left to navigate his way through her eccentricities in the dark.
He reminded himself for the umpteenth time that it wasn’t his concern. If Regina wanted him to treat her like some inanimate object during their sessions, he should do so without complaint or second thought. Only, it simply wasn’t in his nature. Itbotheredhim to treat a woman that way, and he found it increasingly difficult to arouse himself to the task. Weary as he was tonight, David didn’t know how he would manage it. But manage it he must, and the shabby state of the house he approached reminded him of that. When he came face to face with Regina tonight, he would apologize and carry on as she requested—no matter how much it disturbed him. Anything to keep her from tossing him aside and hiring another courtesan.
Resolved, he squared his shoulders to mount the front steps … and drew up short.
A woman in black had just raised her fist to knock, and whirled at the sound of his footsteps, eyes wide in her alabaster face. David blinked tired eyes, certain he was imagining things. But no, it was Regina, standing at his door looking lovely and frightened. Glancing over his shoulder, he realized he had walked right past her carriage and driver without noticing them.
Had she come to terminate their arrangement?His heart dropped at the thought. What would he do if she had?
“Hello, David,” she murmured, tucking a loose strand of fiery hair back into her hat. “I stood here for a long while, too afraid to knock. I think I must have gone up and down those steps three times, and I … well, your arrival certainly took the decision out of my hands.”
Glancing down at his soiled garments, he then set disbelieving eyes back on Regina. “I had planned to come to you within the next hour. Is everything all right?”
Biting her lip, she backed away from the door as he approached. “I had hoped we could talk. If now is an inconvenient time, I can go home and await your arrival.”
“No,” he insisted, standing back to allow her entry. “You came all this way. Come in. I’ll send for tea, and if you wouldn’t mind giving me a little time to wash and change—”
He found Mrs. Moffat approaching, her smile stiff and uncertain as she eyed their visitor. “Welcome home, Mr. Graham. Can I get anything for you and your guest?”
“Tea would be wonderful, and a little something to eat. Please see to Mrs. Hurst’s comfort until I return.” He faced Regina, who remained in the middle of the dimly-lit entrance hall, curious eyes roaming what she could see of the house. He fought not to wince at the reek of tallow candles, used to light the house out of economy, and the pitiful state of the floors. Forcing a smile, he backed toward the staircase. “I’ll return shortly, I promise.”
