Page 51 of Taming of the Rake
There had been no forethought, no rehearsal of the words he might have used to better explain his feelings.Marry me, he’d blurted like a mad fool. The horror on her face had dealt the first agonizing blow to his ravaged heart, and then had come the question he had found himself hard-pressed to answer.
“Why, David? Why do you want to marry me?”
“You’ve just informed me that you are carrying my child.”
“As per our contract! We entered into this agreement with the knowledge that it would end in me becoming pregnant withmychild.”
“That was before. Everything has changed now. Can’t you see that?”
God, he was such an idiot. ‘I love you, that’s why.’ Why hadn’t he been able to say those words? Why could he only stand there gaping at her like a fish out of water as she began erecting her barriers against him, eyes growing shuttered and her demeanor freezing over like a lake hardening in winter.
“Nothing has changed. I wanted a child, and you have helped me conceive one, as promised. We were both clear enough with each other from the beginning. I never want to marry again, and you have admitted to only being interested in taking a wife for the sake of a fortune. I think the bonus you are set to earn is more than enough of my money to meet your needs. There is no need to try to shackle yourself to me for life.”
That had hurt, but what could David say in his own defense? Those wordshadcome out of his stupid, stupid mouth. How could he expect her to believe his position on marriage had changed because of her? Still, realizing that hadn’t stopped him from trying.
“You can keep every penny of your own money, I won’t touch it. Your inheritance isn’t what I want, Regina.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Damn it, no! You cannot honestly think me such a cad.”
“Perhaps not, but the timing of your proposal does you no credit. If it isn’t my money you are after, then surely this is about the child.”
“It certainly shouldn’t be left out of the conversation. It’s ababy,Regina. Our baby.”
“Stop saying that! God, you men are all the same, aren’t you? Even when I have made myself clear, established boundaries and earned your agreement to my terms, you still try to twist the situation to fit your own wants and needs. I promised myself no man would ever own me again, that everything I had earned would remain mine … and you somehow think planting a child in me entitles you to all the rest? You think I should give you my money, my home, my body just because you spilled your seed in me?”
“Idiot, idiot, idiot!” he growled, as her harsh words resonated through his memory. He lifted his head and dropped it against the back of the seat with each utterance of the word, as he remembered being tongue-tied in the face of her fury.
Because, damn it, she was right. Not about his intentions, and certainly not about his notions of entitlement or greed. She was right to be angry with him for trying to break the terms of their agreement. She was right to assume the worst of him. He had signed his name in agreement of her terms and owed her what he’d promised. He fulfilled the first part of the bargain by getting her with child, but surely his clumsy marriage proposal had been in violation of the other part of the contract—the part where he was supposed to take his bonus and walk away without a look back.
He wanted to be angry with her. David wanted to think of her as frigid and unrelenting and cruel. But, try as he might, he couldn’t stop feeling guilty for what he’d done. He couldn’t stop wishing that if he were going to trample over the rules of their arrangement, he would have done it in a way that left her with no doubt to how he felt.
“I want to marry you because I love you,” he recited to the empty carriage. “Because I cannot live without you, and because I had no idea what it meant to commit to one person until I realized I wanted to commit myself to you.”
Not perfect, but true enough. Words he ought to have found the courage to say in the heat of the moment, but for the first time his tongue had failed him. Seduction and charm, he could manage. Talk of real and deep emotion, he was utterly miserable at. It was no wonder she would not have him.
Anyway, it was too late for him to try to smooth things over. He had left his bedchamber this morning to find that the snow had ceased hours ago, and rising temperatures had already begun melting it away. Caruthers reported that Regina and her driver departed shortly after dawn, with David none the wiser. He had sulked over breakfast, his expression clearly enough to keep his mother and the twins from asking probing questions. If they suspected what had gone on between him and Regina the night before, no one spoke of it.
By midday, a bank draft had arrived from Regina in the amount of five thousand pounds. There was no accompanying note, no hint that she wanted anything more than to deliver his promised funds. Of course there was nothing more than that. She had made it clear she intended to adhere to their contract without wavering. He had his answer, no matter how unsatisfactory, and there was nothing left for David to do but carry on with his life.
Thus, his impromptu trip to London. His things had been packed and the carriage readied in less than an hour. His valet had been left behind, with David in no mood to endure the company of another person. Having to tie his own cravats seemed like a small enough inconvenience for the sake of solitude with his own tormented thoughts.
He did not plan to remain for long, but Benedict had written to inform him that Hugh, Aubrey, and Nick were all back in Town. Seeing them again might offer a sense of familiarity and make him feel more like himself. The farm was far from saved, but once winter gave way to spring, the land along the east pasture would be ready for planting. The income from the sale of wool and meat had gone into the materials needed to repair their mill, building of new and better enclosures, and improvements about the house. With Regina’s bank draft, they would finally find firmer footing. In the next year or two, profits from harvests and wool would be enough to restore the Graham family and their lands to their former glory. He would begin interviewing new stewards upon his return now that he could afford to pay one.
Matters had improved enough that the entire estate wouldn’t crumble in his absence. He would spend a few days in the company of his friends and try to convince himself that Regina’s rejection had been for the best.
Regina flinched and muttered a curse,before lifting her pricked and reddened finger to her lips. That was the third time she had jabbed herself with the sewing needle in the past hour, as her mind wandered away from the chore of mending. Her maid typically did this work, but Regina had hoped setting herself to some mindless task might help her stop thinking about David.
No such luck.
Apparently, mending stockings and chemises was almost too senseless a job, because Regina’s traitorous mind kept taking her into dangerous territory. David’s words echoed in her thoughts, wracking her with guilt and giving her a pounding headache.
But, why should she feel guilty? David had been in the wrong. By asking her to marry him, he had completely disregarded her wishes. He’d used her unborn child as a tool by which to manipulate her into marriage. Whether because he wanted her money, or because he wanted the babe he had sired, it made no difference. Regina had vowed never to wed again, and she would not change her mind.
“Are you ready to talk about it now?” Powell asked from his corner of the room.
He’d been silent all day, hovering at her back over breakfast and trailing her during her morning ride. When she settled down with her mending, Powell had opened a book and taken his place in an armchair, occasionally peering at her over the pages. She had hoped he might not try to pull her into conversation, but Regina ought to have known better. Powell had not yet asked about her overnight stay at David’s house, but he had to notice the dark circles under her eyes and the tight set to her mouth. She had tossed and turned the entire night, reliving her last hours with David over and over.
