Page 73 of Making of a Scandal
The viscount cleared his throat and avoided her gaze. “Well … there is another matter …”
“Martin.”
“Yes. He has requested an audience with you. I told him I thought it was too soon, but he assured me he doesn’t wish to heap more misery on you. He was rather clear that he doesn’t intend to rescind his offer of marriage. Diana did not think I should allow it, but I thought you ought to know … all things considered.”
She gave a slow nod, her vision becoming bleary again. Calliope supposed she ought to feel something at receiving such news. After all was said and done, her plan had not failed. If Martin was still willing to marry her, she would be saved from total ruin, and the talk of her and Dominick would eventually cease. Respectability would be hers again, and she wouldn’t have to spend the rest of her life rotting away alongside the aunts.
However, there was only the persistent numbness she’d allowed to take over her body, muffling every emotional response.
“I see.”
The viscount’s face fell as he took her hands. “Anni, you don’t have to do this. There are other ways for us to get past a scandal.”
She shook her head, reaching up to cup his cheek. The dear man was so overwrought, and it was all her fault. Dominick would come to hate her for what she was about to do, adding yet another regret to the growing mountain of her mistakes.
“It’s all right, Papa. I love that you want to protect me, but I must be the one to face the consequences.”
“And you think those consequences should include accepting a man you do not love?”
“I may not love Martin, but I can have a good life with him.”
“But, Mr. Burke—”
“Cannot be my choice. There are things you do not understand … I wish I could explain, but … please, trust me when I say that this is for the best. If you love me, I beg you, say no more of Mr. Burke.”
Her father looked as if he wished to protest, but simply bowed his head, shoulders slumping in defeat. “He’s waiting for you in my study.”
“I’ll go to him shortly.”
With a kiss to her cheek, he was gone.
Her hands shook as she tried to open Dominick’s letter, her hands suddenly clumsy and useless. At last, she unfolded the note, blinking to focus on the words.
Anni,
I regret that I must depart, but I’m certain you understand how imperative it is that I return to London. My uncle’s health has taken a turn for the worse, and my sister’s letter led me to believe we should not expect him to recover. I hope you will grant me another chance to plead my case when you have returned to London. There is so much I want to say, but there isn’t time and a letter could never encompass the entirety of what I feel for you. This cannot be the end for us. I will not accept that it was all a mistake, or that our future cannot be as bright and beautiful as we imagined in those quiet moments yesterday morning. For now, I can only beg you to understand that I never wanted to cause you pain. Know that I love you with every breath in my body and will never cease.
Yours eternally,
Nick
Calliope closed her eyes and lowered her head, the paper crumpling against her lips. She pressed a kiss to his words, allowing herself a short time to soak in his declaration of love. Before it could settle too deeply, piercing the walls she’d begun erecting around her ravaged and bleeding heart, she lowered the note and pushed it all away. The letter fluttered to the floor and she stepped over it.
She wouldn’t send for him when she returned to London. It was best she kept her distance, for she would never be able to resist him if they came face to face. The next time he saw her, she would be completely out of his reach. She intended to make sure of that right now—not because she wanted to hurt him, but because she knew it was the only way to keep herself from forgetting the insurmountable reasons she should keep away.
The house was quiet as she made her way downstairs; the guests were at breakfast by now.
She found Martin standing near a window in the study. He turned when he heard her enter. There was no charming smile for her today, no spark of interest or desire in his eyes, no honeyed words. She wanted none, but could not help but realize that this, too, was her fault. She’d veered off her path and nearly destroyed her best chance for a secure future.
“Good morning,” he said, hands clasped behind his back. “Thank you for seeing me. I understand why you might wish for solitude right now, but this will only take a moment.”
“I hope you know I did not intend to avoid you forever. I simply needed time, but I’m here now and am certain you have a number of things you wish to say to me.”
He frowned, coming toward her as his hands fell at his sides. He seemed to think better of it and halted, his eyes darting to the open door. Her reputation was already in tatters, and another scandal could be stoked with only the whiff of impropriety.
“There has been talk. It won’t be long before all of society knows about your … indiscretion with Mr. Burke.”
She winced. Anindiscretion. A mistake, she had called it, hating herself for the way it had affected Nick, his face portraying the hurt it had inflicted.
