Page 38 of What a Courtesan Wants
She waved the letter through the air as if Magnus were actually in the room to see it.
“As if she is so slender herself,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes. “I vow, the woman is blind if she cannot see that I’ve inherited my proportions fromher.”
Falling silent again, she continued reading the letter, her ire rising with each word.
“The nerve! She has read that terrible gossip column and seen that I’ve begun associating with such a dubious man as Aubrey Drake, who is far too beneath me as a dowager countess. I ought to think of my reputation and the shame I cast upon your name and your family by being seen with a … oh dear, I will not repeat what she’s called him. It’s too horrible.”
Lucinda balled up the offending letter, not wanting to read another word. Her mother would simply go on urging her to return to Essex, especially now that Lucinda had begun publicly befriending a man she obviously did not approve of. While she’d not yet reached any mention of her father, she knew to expect that he would agree with her mother. He wouldn’t approve of Aubrey any more than she would.
“Well, that is just too bad,” she huffed, stomping to the hearth and hurling the letter into the flames. “How on earth did a gentleman farmer and his wife become so pretentious, anyhow? As if they would be admitted to any fine home in this city withoutmethere to pave the way.”
Lucinda halted, realizing she’d begun pacing, and glanced up at her late husband. His unchanging expression seemed to chide her, to remind her of something he’d always believed to be true about her parents.
They are simply ignorant people who know nothing because they’ve never experienced life outside their quiet little world in Essex, pet. You can hardly hold it against them. Take pride in the fact that life and experience have made you the farthest thing from ignorant.
“You were right about them, of course,” she said, flopping back onto the chair before her desk with a huff. “But for her to say such things about Aubrey when she’s never even met him. I simply cannot believe …”
She trailed off as she realized what she was doing, guilt overtaking her.
“I suppose you would tell me that it is all right for me to talk to you about him,” she whispered. “It’s what he says about you, you know. And when I mention you, he doesn’t grow jealous or change the subject. He seems to genuinely want to hear the things I have to say, as if hecaresabout how much I loved you and how badly I miss you. He is a good man, Magnus, and I … I’m afraid I am going to hurt him very badly.”
Her eyes began to water as she felt as if her heart were being torn in two. One half of it remained firmly in the grasp of a man who kept a hold on it from beyond the grave. The other half was being slowly and painfully torn away, clutched in the tightening grip of Aubrey, who was more patient and kind than she deserved.
“You told me to let myself love again after you were gone. But, I don’t know how to do that, because you taught me everything I know about love. I gave you all the love I had in my heart, and every bit of it died with you. What is left for a man who deserves so much more than I can give him?”
Magnus stared down at her, unspeaking, unmoving. Dead and gone. Pressing her fingertips to her leaking eyes, she took a deep, slow breath and fought not to collapse into a sobbing heap on the floor. Morning callers would arrive any minute now, and she would have to set to work rounding out the guests for her upcoming dinner party. This event was too important for her to muck up by greeting potential guests with a red, blotchy face. Elizabeth had begun working her way into Lucinda’s heart just as her uncle had, and she now felt a great deal of affection for the dear young lady. She would do whatever it took to make Elizabeth a success. Lucinda could remember being young and dreaming of a world that had felt so far out of her reach. Her marriage to Magnus had catapulted her even farther than she had ever imagined, and perhaps there might be a chance for that with Elizabeth. For the young girl with dreams making her eyes glitter, and for the man to whom she owed so much, Lucinda would throw herself into this coming out and give it her all.
The matter of what to do about Aubrey could wait, and she would hope that in the meantime, he continued to be content with things as they were. When the day came that he began to want more than she could give, Lucinda knew there would be nothing for it. She would lose him.
Three daysbefore Elizabeth’s birthday and the party planned to celebrate it, Aubrey arrived at Benedict’s home in Berkeley Square for a gathering of the original five gentleman courtesans. Hugh and his wife had just returned to London following their trip to Devon, and the man had pried himself away from his bride long enough to spend an evening in the company of his friends.
In the past, a typical night for their set would have constituted drunken revelry, a visit to a whorehouse, and any number of unruly activities. But with four out of five in arrangements with various keepers, Dominick trying to avoid the gaming tables in order to curb his habit, and Hugh now a married man, such was no longer advisable. So, dinner, drinks, and billiards were the order of the evening—something Aubrey was grateful for. His days of whoring and over-imbibing were coming to an end, as he found he did not recover quite as well as he had in his youth. Besides, no whore could compare to the woman who had consumed him beyond reason. He’d bedded women of all kinds, from the lowest prostitutes to the finest ladies, and none of them had stirred him the way Lucinda did. None of them shattered his carefully constructed composure like she could.
“Admit it, Hugh,” David teased as they stood about Benedict’s billiards table waiting for Dominick to take his turn. “Married life is horribly dull. Evelyn isn’t here now … you can be honest with us.”
Hugh chuckled, leaning against the wall and gripping his cue in both hands. Aubrey knew the truth before the man had even opened his mouth. He looked better than he ever had, and his eyes twinkled with a sickening happiness that only reminded Aubrey of just how lonely his own future looked to be.
“I am sorry to disappoint you, David,” Hugh said with a good-natured chuckle. “But I’ve never been happier. I get to sleep next to a beautiful, warm woman every night. I no longer have to … perform on command for money, which I can tell you makes such matters that much more enjoyable. And, I don’t know what she and the cook get up to when they plan our meals, but I’ve never eaten better in my life.”
“Yes, we can all see that,” Benedict quipped, poking a finger at Hugh’s side.
Hugh batted his hand away. “Nonsense. I’m as fit as ever.”
Benedict, who could never resist a battle of wills or strength, removed his coat and then promptly sank down onto the nearest chair. Pulling a small side table before him, he then began rolling up his right shirtsleeve.
“Is that so? Prove it!”
Hugh snatched up the gauntlet as quickly as it had been thrown down, leaving Aubrey to take his turn at billiards while he dragged a chair to sit opposite Benedict. Aubrey rolled his eyes at the pair, as Hugh followed Benedict’s lead, removing his coat before snatching at his shirt cuffs. As Aubrey sent a ball slamming into a corner pocket, the two came together, hands clenched as they grunted and grappled for dominance.
“Good show, Hugh!” David called out as he stepped into position to take his turn. “It isn’t as if you’ll actually beat him, but a man has to admire your spirit.”
Hugh panted out a string of curses, his face reddening as he strained against Benedict’s bull-like strength. Not a weakling by any means, he simply didn’t possess the same hard physicality of a man who spent hours on end training for pugilist brawls. Though, Aubrey had to admit he was at least a worthy opponent.
“Not to mention, you’re probably as weak as a kitten,” David added with a wide grin. “When you’re bedding a woman so regularly, she sucks the strength right out of you, along with—”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll shove that cue right up your arse!” Hugh huffed, gaining an inch and then losing it as Benedict fought back.
David merely erupted into laughter, having always enjoyed how easy it was to goad Hugh. With their friend having been gone for months, David had obviously missed this aspect of their relationship.
