Page 43 of Chasing Benedict
“Of course not. I’m glad for them.”
Alex edged too close, and Benedict swept his legs from under him, throwing him onto his back. Before Alex could right himself, Benedict was over him, raining blows on the arms raised to protect his face.
“If you are lonely, it is by choice,” Alex managed between grunts. “You are surrounded by people who care about you, but you keep them at a distance … even Aubrey.”
Benedict fell onto his knees over Alex, irritation spurring his actions. There were things Alex simply didn’t know and could never understand.
“If you have something to say to me, let’s have it,” Benedict growled, batting one of Alex’s arms aside and striking his cheekbone, then his chin. “But you can spare us both this drama of your own making. Our agreement says nothing of you trying to change or manage me.”
Alex wrapped his legs around Benedict’s waist, and one arm around his neck, leaving him scrambling for freedom. “No one is trying to manage you. I’m trying to love you, you stubborn fool.”
“Nothing about that in the agreement either,” Benedict huffed, pounding at Alex’s ribs and trying to break his hold. His face was buried in Alex’s neck, giving him a whiff of clean sweat and shaving balm. Benedict’s other senses flared to life, his body responding to Alex’s nearness and the tight constriction of the legs enclosing him. Alex’s breaths came hard and fast, and Benedict knew it wasn’t only due to the strikes he suffered to his torso.
“If you loved me, you would have never left,” Benedict added. “Your words mean nothing after what you did.”
“For the love of …”
Alex turned them so he straddled Benedict, putting him in the position of power. Benedict tried to buck him off, but was subjected to several teeth-rattling blows to his face.
“I have tried and tried to tell you why I had to do it,” Alex exclaimed. “I’m done with this game, Ben. If you’re going to be angry with me, you will at least do so with full knowledge of what happened.”
“I have no interest—”
“Your fatherknew, Ben! That’s what I was trying to tell you when we left London. I wasn’t referring to him knowing that we are lovers now … but that he knew back then. He knew, and he went to my father to expose us.”
They both went deathly still, Alex staring down at him while Benedict wrestled with what he’d just heard. The convergence of shock, confusion, and rage sent heat spiraling through him, and Benedict threw a vicious punch that sent Alex rolling from on top of him, one glove pressed to his eye.
Benedict came to his feet, tearing at one glove with his teeth and then shaking it off with jerky motions. “My father … he found out about us.”
“Yes,” Alex said. “He had known for some time, I think.”
After working off his first glove, Benedict yanked off the other before stepping forward to help Alex with his. Once done, he motioned toward a cushioned chair flanked by small, decorative statues. Alex took the chair while Benedict lowered himself onto the stool.
“Tell me everything.”
CHAPTER 9
“With the recent arrival of Viscount S in London, this author had hope that His Lordship might finally take his wayward son in hand. But, alas, the Hon. Mr. S has eluded his sire once again, vacating London within days of his arrival.”
-The London Gossip, 31 January 1812
LONDON, 1816
Alex dropped the last of his books into the open trunk inside his dressing room, before promptly closing it. All around him were the few possessions he would carry with him to France. He was due to depart for Dover the moment the entire house had gone quiet for the night. Once there, he would meet Ben at the docks, where they planned to board a packet and cross the channel to Calais. They had talked of settling in Paris, but wished to tour other places before making a final decision.
All of Alex’s things were packed, his passport secured inside the leather case inside his valise. He had paid his valet to keep silent, and written a sterling character letter for the man to find himself another post. Alex wanted nothing more than to be free of anything that kept him from Ben, but he didn’t want to worry his family or leave his servant without a position in the process. Hamond had begged to be allowed to come along, but Alex had refused. Leaving the employ of Alex’s father without a moment’s notice, even if it was to follow his master to France, would besmirch his reputation as a valet beyond compare. Besides, his father paid Hamond’s salary, and while Alex had money of his own, he would need it for settling in France.
After writing the character for Hamond, Alex had penned a short note to his parents. Instead of telling them that he was running away for the sake of love, Alex informed them that he didn’t feel as if he were adequate enough to take his place as the earl. It pained him to lie when the formative years of his life had been spent preparing him for a responsibility he knew himself capable of carrying. However, he couldn’t remain in England, where men who loved other men could lose everything, shame their families, and be brutalized in the pillory or hanged. Rather than risk putting his family through such disgrace, Alex had chosen the man he loved and the freedom of being who he truly was over upholding the Vautrey legacy. Imploring his father to turn his attentions to preparing his brother and nephew to inherit, Alex apologized for disappointing him. He had begged his mother’s forgiveness and told her how much he loved her.
After that, there had been nothing left to say. Ben would meet him in Dover, the risk of them being found together driving them to travel separately. However, once aboard the packet, they would never be separated again. Traveling under the guise of being cousins, they would garner little or no suspicion. Two bachelors living and traveling together wouldn’t draw notice, and France had done away with punishments for sodomy. Alex and Ben couldn’t be too free and open with their affections, but the threat of exposure and disgrace was far greater in England than in France.
Alex had realized some time ago that he couldn’t live without Ben. He was also weary of having to sneak about, finding places to be together for a short time before returning to the facades of their lives. Giving up the earldom had been difficult, but he would sacrifice far more for the privilege of having Ben by his side for the rest of his days.
Ben had needed very little convincing to go along with Alex’s plan. His brothers had died the year before in a terrible accident, making Ben his father’s heir. However, Ben was unlike Alex in that he hadn’t been prepared to inherit, nor did he wish to. His hatred for Viscount Sterling made it easy to leave without a look back.
Alex had begun to pace, anxious for the moment he could slip away with his parents none the wiser. A knock at the door interrupted his reverie, causing his heartbeat to accelerate. Alex had shared dinner with his parents earlier, and their time of quiet reading and nightcaps had ended hours ago. He’d insisted he not be disturbed, and Hamond helped ensure the rest of the staff was made aware of this.
So, who was at his door and why were they here?
