Page 46 of Chasing Benedict
“She would be ideal,” the earl mused, stroking his chin. “She is of a good family, and the two of you have been seen together enough that a sudden engagement will not seem suspicious. You will pay a call to her tomorrow and ask for her hand, beseech her father … promise them whatever you must to secure the match. I will procure a special license so you can marry right away.”
Alex shook his head, feeling as if a noose had begun tightening around his throat. Despite knowing he had lost, his instincts told him to fight, to rebel. It was what Ben would do when faced with this same conundrum.
“Father … please don’t make me do this. Negotiate with the viscount and think of another plan, any other plan. Just … not this. I cannot do this.”
Placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder, his father gave it a hard squeeze. “You know the viscount, Alex. Do you honestly think his threat is idle? Do you truly believe he can be convinced to change his mind?”
“You’re a bloody earl! Surely you have enough influence and power to silence him.”
“Perhaps I could if he didn’t have the evidence of your indiscretions to hold over our heads. This isn’t a typical bit of blackmail. This will affect our entire family, including your mother. Would you do that to her? To us? Alex, you could be executed!”
Alex slumped back into his chair, burying his face in his hands. His father was right. With one unpalatable act, he would save his family from ruin, and Ben from life as a Bedlamite. Ben wasn’t mad now, but he would be once made to languish under the cruel treatments of the asylum. Viscount Sterling was a man of his word, one who despised his son enough to follow through on his threat.
“I will allow you the night to sleep on it,” his father said. “Footmen will be stationed outside any door leading into your suite. Should you decide to visit Katherine tomorrow, I will accompany you to ensure you pay a visit to her and no one else. From there, you will return to your chambers, where you will remain under guard until the wedding. I won’t have you running to Benedict and plotting to rebel against us. If the footmen must stop you bodily from leaving this house, they are under my orders to do so.”
Alex stared off across the room, suddenly cold and numb from head to toes. This was the kind of pain he’d never experienced before. It wasn’t hot and sharp, it was heavy and cold and paralyzing.
“Make the right decision, son,” his father said. “If not for the sake of your family, then for Benedict’s sake. If he is sent to Bedlam, you will have to go about the rest of your life knowing you caused his fate.”
With that, his father and the footmen were gone. Alex could hear the murmur of voices outside the sitting room door, then his father’s footsteps carrying him away. The silence of the room was disrupted by an odd sound—guttural and tortured. Slumped forward, the tears dropped onto his hands and the legs of his breeches, and Alex realized the sounds were coming from him—uncontrolled sobs that ripped from his chest and burned his throat.
Impotence smothered what was left of his resolve, and Alex drowned in his own hopelessness.
There was nothing left to do but fall on the sword and damn he and Ben to a life apart. Alex had no weapons with which to fight this battle, not even the strength of his title, as it was only a courtesy until he inherited. No one would come to his aid; it was all up to him. As there was nothing Alex wouldn’t do for Ben, he would have to spend the rest of the night coming to terms with what he had to do.
If he was destined to be miserable for the rest of his days, it would be in exchange for Ben’s freedom. It was the one consolation he had to hold onto as he surrendered to the emotions tearing through him, and wept.
AFTERALEX HAD SPILLEDevery detail of the fateful night that had driven an immovable wedge between them, Ben hadn’t said a word. He sat still and silent until the end, his face unreadable. When Alex finished, he tried to launch into an apology, but Ben would have none of it. He had simply risen from his stool and left the gallery, his steps purposeful.
Alex sat alone for a little while, allowing himself to really feel the loss of the weight that had borne down upon him. There was still more to be said, but Alex didn’t think either of them could manage it just now. He was content to allow Ben his space in hopes that they would continue their conversation later.
He spent the rest of the afternoon in the nursery, enjoying every second he could spare to spend with his Ella. Her sunny disposition went a long way toward improving Alex’s mood, and he’d left to dress for dinner with a smile on his face.
That smile didn’t last long, as he found no sign of Ben when returning to his bedchamber. Neither Hamond nor Simmons had laid eyes on him all day. He allowed Hamond to dress and groom him, then made for the dining room. Perhaps Ben had preferred not to dress for dinner, which didn’t bother Alex a whit. He simply needed to see Ben, to know that he hadn’t ruined everything by finally telling the truth.
Ben wasn’t in the dining room and didn’t make an appearance for the meal. Fisher did join him, though he’d been a silent companion once learning that Ben had wandered off and was nowhere to be found. Alex could barely stomach a single bite, and spent the duration of mealtime pushing things about on his plate. He didn’t even possess the desire to sample the cheesecake presented for dessert. Once Fisher had finished demolishing three plates full, they parted ways, with Alex trudging up to his room. Worry had him wanting to send a search party for Ben, but Alex stayed his hand. Ben was safe and would return on his own terms. Alex didn’t want to make matters worse by interfering.
Shedding his coat and cravat, Alex took up a book and waited. Ben didn’t appear for another three hours, washed and changed out of his training attire. He looked haggard and worn, a thick sprinkle of whiskers shadowing his jaw. Upon finding Alex awaiting him, Ben approached and took the chair beside his.
At first, neither of them spoke. Alex closed his book but remained silent, waiting for Ben to steer the conversation. As of now, Alex had no idea where they stood or where to begin.
Finally, Ben issued a deep sigh and met Alex’s gaze, his mouth drawn down. “I’ve spent the day thinking about everything you told me, and comparing it to my side of the story. I have gone over it several times, thinking of what you might have done differently and what I might have done had the shoe been on the other foot.”
“You would have been braver than I am,” Alex replied. “You would have told both our fathers to go to the devil. You would have fought every footman who tried to keep you locked in your room. You would never have agreed to marry someone rather than be with me.”
Ben studied him closely for a moment, slowly nodding his head. “Yes, I would have.”
“I always knew you were the brave one. I wasn’t strong enough to fight, Ben, and I’m so sorry. If I had to pay for my mistake for the rest of my life, it would be no more than I deserve.”
“No,” Ben replied, shocking Alex to his core. “You did the right thing. I would have done all the things you just said. I would have died fighting. And you would have been damned as a result of my folly. Neither of us would have gone unscathed.”
Alex shook his head, uncertain he had heard Ben correctly. “You … you aren’t angry with me?”
Ben ran a hand over his face. “Not for leaving me to await you in Dover. As much as it pains me to admit it, you made the right decision. I only wished you had found some way to tell me, even after you had wed Katherine. A letter, a visit … something.”
“I didn’t think you would hear me out.”
“I would have.”
