Page 48 of Chasing Benedict
Benedict couldn’t seem to stop now that he’d begun, all the poison and pain that had gnawed away at him pouring out in a deluge. “I told him he should let me die. I was too broken to go on, to be a good friend to him or anyone else. I didn’t think I could ever love anyone as much as I loved you, and you were out of my reach. There was nothing else to live for. So … I lifted the gun and told Aubrey to leave. I couldn’t do it with him watching me. He begged, he pleaded, he threatened. In the end, I was weak … I put my finger on the trigger. Aubrey ran across the room and dove over my desk, his fingers closing around the gun just as I pulled the trigger. He managed to wrench it far enough that when it fired, the bullet merely grazed me.”
“The hole in your office wall … I saw something shiny and round embedded inside it. That was the bullet you tried to shoot yourself with.”
Benedict snorted. “Technically, I did shoot myself, and it hurt like hell. Burned my skin away and sent me toppling out of my chair. Aubrey threw the gun aside and came down beside me. He refused to leave me alone in the days following, too afraid I might decide to do it again.”
“And … did you?”
Benedict found he could no longer meet Alex’s gaze. It was too penetrating and knowing, too hypnotizing in its intensity. “I wanted to,” he admitted, staring down at his hands. They began to blur before his eyes, his eyes prickling. “Every year on the day of your marriage, I would sit and think of that day. You, so painfully handsome in your wedding attire. Katherine, perfect and lovely and acceptable as your match. Aubrey begged me not to attend, but I couldn’t stay away if for no reason other than assuring myself that it was real. On the anniversary of the wedding, I sat in my study and stared at the safe where I kept that pistol, and contemplated taking it out. But, looking at that hole in my wall served as a reminder of my lowest point. Once my body recovered from Dr. Pruett’s torture, I began putting my life back together. I had friends, and Aubrey’s family became my family. I was free of my father and had made it clear he would never exert that kind of control over me again. I did have something to live for. It’s why I never had the hole patched. I needed to see that bullet to remind myself how close I came to death. If I could survive that, I could survive anything.”
Alex lurched from his seat, going to his knees before Benedict. With a wet sniffle, Alex threw both arms around his waist and buried his face against Benedict’s chest.
“I’m so glad you survived,” he said, his voice cracking. “Promise me you’ll never do anything like that again. I would die if you left me that way. I wouldn’t survive it.”
Something within Benedict crumbled, releasing the pressure that had been building for years. He slumped against Alex, weary of fighting, needing closeness with another person when he was so raw and in such pain.
No, he didn’t need to be close to just anyone. It was Alex he needed, and just now he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. Laying his head atop Alex’s, Benedict clung to him, allowing himself to feel the weight of all that had been said.
“There now,” Benedict murmured. “My story wasn’t really anything to cry over, was it? Alex, stop it.”
Raising his head to look at Benedict, Alex revealed the wet streaks on his cheeks, which were flushed pink. “But Ben …you’recrying, too.”
Benedict blinked, registering for the first time the warm tears trickling toward his jaw. They kept coming as the pressure in his chest released, sending a wave of relief through him. His breath quickened as if he might start sobbing, but Benedict held it in, his shoulders quaking from the force of it. Alex was on his feet, pulling Benedict up and urging him into a tight embrace. Benedict couldn’t have freed himself if he tried … but then, it would be a lie to assert that he wanted to. Burying his head in Alex’s neck, he allowed himself time to experience the emotional release, and the kind of closeness he hadn’t allowed anyone in so long.
Alex stroked his hair and kissed his brow, before taking his hand. “Will you come to bed with me? Or I’ll send for dinner?”
“I found a tavern with a decent stew and ate there. Bed sounds perfect.”
He let Alex pull him along, exhausted now that all had been revealed. Benedict felt as if he’d been physically pummeled, his body aching and his head swimming. The soft mattress cradled him, and the pillow was a sweet relief to his pounding head. Alex took a few minutes to come to bed, and when he did, he wore only his breeches. Alex helped Benedict out of his shirt, then laid behind him, spooning his body in a comforting hold. His bare hand fell against Benedict’s chest, fingers toying with the springy hairs. Alex nuzzled the back of his neck, pressing soft kisses along his nape.
His body began to stir in response to the stimuli, but Benedict didn’t have the strength to act on it. Instead, he sank into the warmth of Alex’s hold and gave himself over to sleep. The last thing he heard before falling asleep was Alex’s soft whisper.
“I love you, Ben.”
BENEDICT WOKEthe next morning to Alex’s hand toying at the fastening of his trousers. Through bleary eyes, he realized it was not yet dawn. Instead of allowing himself a few more minutes of slumber, Benedict reached for wakefulness, nudging his cock against Alex’s question hand.
“Good morning,” Alex’s sleep-roughened voice rumbled in his ear.
Benedict murmured something in response, the pleasure of fingers stroking the length of his cock making it difficult to string words together.
Alex chuckled, the vibrations in his chest rippling across Benedict’s back. “At least part of you is wide awake.”
Benedict grunted when Alex gave him a squeeze, then began working him in slow, lazy motions. “It’s always the first part of me to wake up.”
“Hmm … so the fact that I’m touching you has nothing to do with it?”
“Of course not, don’t be ridiculous.”
“Then I suppose I should stop.”
Benedict caught Alex’s hand before he could pull it free. Pressing it back against his cock, he rolled his hips, surging his erection against Alex’s palm.
“Don’t you dare.”
Alex laughed again, but obliged him, his strokes becoming firmer and faster. Alex’s breath quickened against Benedict’s back, nibbling lips and a searching tongue finding the places along his neck and shoulder that made him shiver. Another hand worked his trousers further down, then cupped one of his buttocks and squeezed.
“God,” Alex groaned. “I can’t decide which part of you is my favorite, but this arse is definitely one of the most alluring.”
Benedict gritted his teeth and fought off a sudden climax, wanting the euphoric haze of being pleasured before fully awake to last. “I would have thought my cock was your favorite.”
