Page 56 of Chasing Benedict
“Ben,” Alex whispered, afraid to further agitate him. “We don’t have to speak of it if you don’t want. I didn’t realize …”
“Because I haven’t told you. Not even Aubrey knows what they did. I … I was too ashamed.”
When Ben didn’t pull away from his touch, Alex soothed a hand up and down his back. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s enough that I know what I know.”
“I want you to know,” Ben choked out. “I needsomeoneto know.”
“All right. Take your time.”
Ben took a deep, shuddering breath before speaking, his words coming out low and slow. “After you and Katherine left London, my father told me what he wanted me to do. He’d always known something was wrong with me, but … he never imagined I was … so unnatural, so disgusting. He told me to choose a bride, but I refused. So, he began inviting Milbank and his daughter to pay calls, which turned into them staying for dinner. Cynthia did everything she could to gain my notice, but I was uninterested and determined not to bow to my father’s will.”
“How did the engagement come to be?”
“Our fathers made it so. They told Cynthia I wanted to wed her, and a marriage contract was drawn up. My father intended to have the betrothal announced in the papers the following week. I told him I wouldn’t do it, and if he tried to force my hand I would disgrace us both by tossing her over.”
Ben fell silent then, but Alex knew that couldn’t be the end of it. Something else had caused Ben's visceral response, and the haunted look in his eyes told Alex it must be something horrible. He hadn’t even been this rattled when speaking of the so-called treatments of the mad doctor.
“One night, I sent for a cup of tea after dinner,” he whispered, his voice so low Alex had to strain to hear him. “I had just started dabbling in pugilism and had put myself on a strict diet—no spirits. The tea came, but it smelled different. Too sweet, I think … I hardly remember. The footman who delivered it assured me the cook had made it herself, and I had no reason not to trust that.”
Alex felt as if he would be sick, but stifled any outward reaction. He had a premonition about where this was going, but he needed Ben to be the one to say the words.
“He drugged me,” Ben said, a tear splashing his cheek. “My father ordered opium to be put in that tea, and for a long time I had no memory of what occurred before I woke the next morning. Cynthia … she was … in my bed … naked.”
Alex swallowed, his belly quivering with nausea. “Ben …”
“There was blood on the sheets … and … and spunk. I couldn’t have. I never … but I did. While I was drugged, she must have made me. Sometimes pieces of that night come back to me—a woman touching me, pulling me on top of her. I … deflowered her.”
“No,” Alex bit out, anger making his skin flush hot. “You did no such thing. That woman, she … she raped you.”
Ben squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “Rape isn’t something women do to men.”
“Did you go to bed with her of your own free will?”
Ben made a choked sound in the back of his throat. “No.”
“Were you even in your right mind and able to say yes or no?”
“No.”
“Then she raped you,” Alex insisted. “It doesn’t matter if you went along with it when you couldn’t know what you were doing.”
“Alex,” Ben murmured, his voice as soft as a child’s. “I didn’t want her, Alex. I didn’t.”
Alex brushed the hair back from his brow. “I know you didn’t. I know … it’s all right.”
Ben leaned into Alex, head falling onto his shoulder. “My father told me I was responsible for Cynthia. I had ruined her, and marrying her was the gentlemanly thing to do.”
“What a despicable trick,” Alex muttered, sorely wishing the viscount were here so he could pummel him.
“It was,” Ben agreed. “But I wouldn’t play his game. I told him and Cynthia that they both go to the devil. If they announced an engagement, I would reveal to the entiretonwhat they’d done to me.”
“Good show,” Alex said, pressing a kiss to Ben’s crown. “It was very brave of you.”
“I thought it was … until my father put me in the hands of Dr. Pruett. He made it clear that this wasn’t just about my backward nature … it was about Cynthia. He made me pay for it several times over.”
Ben trembled in his arms, but Alex only held him tighter, gently rocking him back and forth. Ben surrendered to the comfort, clutching tight to Alex’s waistcoat as he wept.
Alex waited in silence until Ben had calmed, then prompted him to sit up. “Listen to me. Cynthia will not win, and neither will your father.”
