Page 68 of Chasing Benedict
“You are still the man I know and admire,” Hugh said, offering Benedict his hand. “This changes nothing for me.”
“Or me,” David quickly put in. “I cannot pretend to understand it, but you’ve changed, Ben. I suppose you are responsible, Alex?”
Alex lowered his gaze as if suddenly shy of all the attention. “I cannot take all the credit.”
“Yes, you can,” Benedict argued.
David offered Alex his hand, giving it a hearty shake. “Then you are part of this family, too. If Benedict loves you, you are one of us now. Watch out for Nick, he cheats at cards.”
Expecting a swift denial, Benedict glanced up to find Nick had detached from the group to stand near the window. As the others gathered around Alex to offer their support and acceptance, Benedict moved toward him, disheartened by Nick’s silence and withdrawal.
Aubrey met him in the center of the room. “He’s hurt Ben. He asked me if I already knew, but he didn’t have to. He already realized that I knew.”
Benedict sighed. “I never meant to hurt him. I only ever wanted to protect him.”
“Tell him that,” Aubrey urged, giving Benedict a gentle push in Nick’s direction.
Trepidation curled in his gut as Benedict braced himself for what might occur. Nick might be disgusted by him, or angry that he’d been kept in the dark. Perhaps their bond really was ruined now.
He stood beside Nick, who braced an arm on the frame and stared out into the night. The sky was clearer in the country, offering a stunning view of a full moon and blanket of stars over the landscape. Benedict watched Nick from the corner of his eye, uncertain whether he should speak first.
Fortunately, Nick took that decision out of his hands. “How long?”
“Since we realized we loved each other? It happened at Cambridge, though looking back, I realize I always felt something more than friendship toward him. Nick, we never meant to shut you out, but you have to understand … Alex and I could have lost everything by allowing too many people to know.”
“And I suppose you thought I couldn’t keep quiet. Aside from being a drunk and a gambler, I also don’t know how to hold my tongue.”
“Nick—”
“Why Aubrey? Just tell me that much. I was with him when he stormed your house to free you from that mad-doctor. While he pulled you from that tub,Iwas the one who held your father back. Aubrey took you to that room above his shop, butIfetched the doctor and sat with you until you awakened. I visited with your favorite foods and coaxed you to eat. I did my damnedest to make sure you survived because you were more than my friend, you were my brother … and you were half-dead, but I needed you. And when all was said and done, Aubrey was the one you credited with saving your life. Am I so insignificant to you?”
Benedict felt the blow of each accusation, momentarily struck dumb by the truth in them. While Nick looked on, he struggled for words until only two fell out of his mouth.
“Thank you.”
Nick scoffed. “I don’t need you to placate me with thanks.”
“No, but you do need to know a few things. Someday, I will tell you why I’ve always said that Aubrey was the one who saved my life. I see you as my brother, just as you see me. It’s also the way I feel about him. He and I always shared a bond because we both inhabit a world where there are few men like us. At least I can hide my differences. Aubrey can never shed his skin, not that he’d ever want to. It was enough to make us rely on each other when it felt like we had no one else. But you and I … we shared a bond too, though I don’t think I ever told you why.”
“What do you mean?”
“Haven’t you ever wondered why I treated you differently than the others? Why I was so invested in you securing your future, settling down, and managing your funds?”
“Well … no. You were always like a mother hen. You kept us all in line.”
“Yes, but you were a special case. I saw you drowning yourself in drink and gorging on women and gambling, and I worried. You were on a destructive path, one very much like my own. You listened to me, you came to me often for advice, and I felt responsible for you. We were both essentially fatherless, the castoff sons. We both made our own way while thumbing our noses at those who derided us. If I was harsher with you than the others, or more concerned, it was because I knew you could take it. I knew that because we are the same. I saw myself in you. Perhaps I was wrong to keep secrets and not to trust you as I did Aubrey, because the truth is … he might have saved my life, but so did you—and not just by nursing me back to health. You, Aubrey, Hugh, and David became my family, and I needed that more than anything. People to care for, to love … to, I hoped, love me back in some way, inanyway. I was that desperate for it, and when I felt I was losing you all one by one, I became—”
“A right bastard,” Nick cut in. “But we all knew you were suffering. None of us knew how to reach you but Aubrey.”
“Now, you do too. The one thing I haven’t told you must wait. Tonight is a happy occasion, and I don’t want to spoil it. I just wanted to know that we will be all right—you and I.”
Nick took Benedict’s offered hand, then drew him in closer for an embrace. Benedict clutched him back in shock, never remembering a time Nick had ever been so free with affection.
“We will always be all right. Like you said, we’re family. Families fight, but they make up and they move on. If you and Alex are happy together, then that is enough for me. What you prefer otherwise is none of my business.”
Benedict clapped Nick’s shoulder as they pulled apart, then they went to join the others, accepting fresh glasses of port from Hugh.
“A final toast,” Aubrey said, raising his glass. “To Ben, the greatest matchmaker in all of England. You always said you weren’t arranging marriages, but you knew us well and too easily recognized our perfect counterparts. Perhaps you ought to go into a new line of business.”
