Page 15 of Becoming His Perfect Daddy
I swallowed hard. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Something personal, if that’s okay.”
His forehead scrunched as his eyes turned curious. He placed his hand on mine on the table. “Of course, Sam.” I loved that he used my preferred nickname. No one else did, and he’d asked for it without me even saying anything. “I’m always here to listen, you know that.”
I nodded once, then, after a moment’s hesitation, I took another drink of my warming beer.
“Sam? You’re scaring me a little. What’s going on?”
I locked onto his gaze. My pulse was pounding in my ears. My heart was racing. I was probably sweating like crazy.
And then I just spit it out. “I’m transgender. Trans-masc, specifically. FTM, female to male. That is to say . . . My name is Sam, and my pronouns are he/him.”
I watched as he processed the information for a few infinite seconds before responding. Then a slight smile tugged at his lips, and in the next instant, he pulled me in for a hug. “Dude, that’s amazing. Thanks for telling me, for trusting me with it.”
When we pulled away, I searched his gaze. “You’re not acting very surprised.”
His smile widened. “I suspected. I’m very observant, as you know.” He flipped imaginary hair off his shoulder.
I chuckled, feeling some of the tension I’d been holding on to all day lessening. “And it’s okay?”
“Oh, love, ofcourseit’s okay. Better than okay—it’s incredible. I’m so proud of you for figuring it out and owning it. Can I ask how you knew? And when?”
I nodded, the rest of my tension bleeding away as I spoke. “That’s sort of a funny story . . .”
I let my voice trail off. I’d been dying to tell someone, and Alex was the perfect candidate. But I kinda wanted to hear him beg.
He didn’t disappoint. “What? You have to tell me, man!”
His instant acceptance meant the world to me. I wasn’t naïve enough to think I would get this kind of reaction from everyone, but a . . . aguy—that still sounded weird in my head—could hope. “Okay. So you know Cameron’s last book? Jay and Jesse’s story?”
Alex was nodding profusely. He’d been obsessed with it since I recommended it to him months ago—I thought he’d even reread it since then. “Of course! It was so swoony. The way Jesse took Jay in hand was—oh, sorry. You know you shouldn’t get me started on that particular C.L. Masterson book. Okay.” He raised a hand between us and twisted his wrist. “Continue.”
I chuckled. “Reading that book made everything fall into place. I saw myself in Jesse, and for the first time, a whole lot of things made sense. Like all these disparate pieces of my life had shifted into alignment and everything was suddenly clear. I knew then that I was a dude.”
He smiled slightly before his brows furrowed. “So that tracks. The masc wardrobe, the hair, the appointment with your therapist—”
“Hey! That was private. How did you know about that?”
“Nothing sneaky, I promise!” He held up his hands. “I just happened to glance over when you were mapping the route. No one else was around to see, I promise. I’m proud of you for doing that, by the way.”
I nodded, the little kickstart to my heart from his mini-revelation finally settling. “Well, yes, now that you brought it up, Ihavebeen seeing a gender-affirming therapist. Insurance companies like ours—hell, even some doctors—require a letter or two of support from a therapist confirming a history of gender dysphoria before they’ll consider me a candidate for top surgery. And I’ve already started hormone replacement therapy.”
“I thought your voice was getting a little deeper.” Alex slumped back in his seat before reaching for his beer and taking a sip. “But damn. That’s a lot for you to go through, man.”
I nodded, finishing off my beer.
“May I ask a question? And if it’s too personal or insensitive, please tell me to fuck off.”
I smirked. “Not a problem.”
“Why do you think it took you this long to figure it out? Don’t most transgender people know early on that they’re trans?”
My head was shaking before he stopped talking. I’d mulled over this many times since my revelation. “My take? Everyone comes to things in their own time. Given the way I was raised, it doesn’t surprise me that it took me this long to dig through all the layers of bullshit and programming to find my true self. Though I subconsciously realized something was different deep inside me my whole life, I didn’t have a name for it. I wasn’t even aware that transgender people existed.”
There was that eyebrow again. “The way you were raised?”
Oh, right. I’d never told him much about my childhood, just an extremely vague overview. He only knew it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. “You’ve got some time?”
He pulled his phone out of his pocket, glancing at it before setting it on the table. He huffed out a humorless laugh. “I’ve got nowhere to be.”
