Page 24 of Becoming His Perfect Daddy
His tiny mouth curved into an O as if he understood the meaning of life now. “Ohhhhh,” he cooed, dragging out the word. “Cool!” In an instant, he was sprinting back to the living room.
My chuckle was watery, and my brother and sister-in-law joined me. Then Cali looked up at us. I didn’t think she’d be mean intentionally, but one could never guess what went through a kid’s head at any given time, so I braced myself when she opened her mouth. “That’s awesome, Uncle Sam. Your hair looks nice.”
My hand automatically flew to the nape of my neck. “You think?”
She nodded matter-of-factly with the confidence only a kid could have. “Yeah. You look more like yourself.” Abruptly, she threw her arms around my waist and pulled me close. I wrapped my arms around her upper back, holding her head against my stomach. “I love you, Uncle Sam.”
As she followed her brother out of the room, the tears started flowing again. The tears I shed here were tears of release, of freedom. Of embracing who I truly was and overwhelming gratitude that others were embracing me, too.
Seth clapped his hand on my back, his own eyes shiny. “You wanna stay awhile? We can put on some coffee for starters. I’d like to hear your story if you’d like to share.”
Unable to speak through the emotion, I simply nodded.
***
The sun was setting by the time I’d eaten dinner with Seth and his family and we’d retired on his back porch with a couple of IPAs to watch the sun set over the still snowy mountains in his darkening backyard.
“Seth, I wanted to apologize.”
He tipped up his beer and took a swig. “What for? You know you don’t ever have to apologize for this.”
I shook my head, sipping my own drink. “No, not for this. I’m proud of being trans. I wanted to apologize for what a dick I was to you over the years. Especially when we were kids. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was super jealous of you.”
“Ah.” He nodded, staying silent for a moment, as was his way. Being around my brother now, as an adult, was peaceful. “I can see that.”
“You don’t hate me for it?”
He eyed me. “I don’t hate you. But honestly? I struggled with it for a while. Had to work through it in therapy.”
“Oh god—I’m so sorry!”
He waved me off. “We were kids, Sam. You didn’t even know it, but you were struggling with your identity even then.”
I nodded, humbled by the truth of his words. “You’re right; I was.”
He took another drink. “I don’t hold it against you.” He winked at me. “Promise.”
I grinned. “Glad to hear it. But I thought I needed to apologize anyway.”
“I appreciate it, Sam.”
I smiled. “Anytime. Now, please, can you help me out? How long did it take you to grow your incredible beard? Because mine is takingforever.”
He laughed loudly, the sound carrying over his backyard. “You’ll get there. Mine took several years to grow in fully.” He scratched at the hair on his chin.
I groaned.
He laughed again, repeating himself. “You’ll get there, man. Keep going.”
I nodded, sipping at my beer while staring out into the darkness, enjoying the easy silence between us.
He broke it a few minutes later. “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”
I shook my head. “No. I told Sadie just before I came out here.”
His eyebrow raised. “Oh? How did that go?”
“She was speechless.”
