Page 55 of First Date: Divorce
“She had me alone.She raised me alone.She worked two jobs most of the time.I picked up work as soon as I was old enough.But maybe the worst part—”
She broke off and tensed.For questions?For a complete change of subject?She wouldn’t know until he did it.
He waited.
It was her choice whether to stop all talk, turn the conversation, or … continue.
“She was never happy with herself,” she said slowly.“Like if she could get her hair exactly how she wanted it and her nails perfect and wore the right outfit, she’d find the guy who would love her — love her for herself, she’d say.Not ever having a clue at the irony that she twisted herself inside out in pursuit of someone who would fall for her that way.
“Course, I didn’t see it as irony at the time.Teenager with a chip on my shoulder, I saw it as hypocrisy.”
“You?A chip?”
She glared, but it melted quickly.“Yeah, smartass.But I got over it.Like I told you, decided on law enforcement, got a degree, into the academy, hired.”
“And then?”
“Nothing.Routine, until this assignment.”
“Have you found that routine satisfying?”
“Are you cross-examining me?”
His brows popped up.“I haven’t been, but I can if you want me to.”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with our cover.It’s not like we can mention that I’m a deputy.”
“No, but your feelings about your job in general could — would — have an impact on our relationship.Supposed relationship.And we never did decide—”
“You’re right.God, how did I miss that.We talked about an insurance investigator, but—”
“You grimaced whenever you said it.We’ve had a lot going on and didn’t get back to that.So we decide now.Make something up.Although Tal Bennett did say—”
“Keep it as close to reality as possible.”She exhaled through her nose.
“That’s what he said.”
“Okay.The reality is that I’m not treated badly.I’m also not part of the group.Still in the picture but not really part of the picture.Having Tal Bennett of all people ask for me for this assignment rattled the sheriff.Though he’s probably happily pretending now that I don’t exist.”
“Why Tal Bennett of all people?”
She explained his legendary status in the Cabot County Sheriff’s Department.
“Huh.Didn’t realize that.”The mild words picked up flavoring from the searching look he sent her, but she couldn’t parse out the specific flavor before his next words coated over it, like milk after chili.“What about when you go back after this?”
“Good question.The sheriff will probably be re-rattled by my existence.”
“I meant your feelings about the job.”
“Oh.”She considered.“I expect I’ll be more dissatisfied with routine.I want to investigate.I’ve applied, but haven’t gotten any of the few openings that come up.Too young, too inexperienced, I’m told.”
“Too female?”
She exhaled a quick breath.“Maybe.Probably.Nothing overt.Possibly not even conscious.It’s who he’s comfortable with.And that’s definitely not me.What’s that look for?”
“You rarely make people comfortable with you.You can, because I saw you do it with everyone at Far Hills Ranch and with the Schmidts.”
“Different thing.They made me comfortable.Not the other way around.”
