Page 77 of First Date: Divorce
She didn’t bring up Gigi or frigidity, but touched more broadly on the topic of trust, maintaining that betrayal stemmed from thoughts by the partner that she/he could do better than her/his partner.
“You build or you tear down in the many small moments,” she said.“Seeing the good in your partner, feeling fortunate in your choice builds loyalty.Seeing through your partner’s eyes and doing what you can to make what they see pleasing to them builds commitment.
“Do you turn away or turn toward the other?”Melody asked them.
At the moment, it was definitely turn away.They came nowhere near looking at each other.
“Turning away, deciding in that instant to not invest in the relationship begins a slide that cascades throughout it.”
In the face of their silence, she added with emphasis, “Turning away amplifies negative.Turning toward amplifies positive.”
K.D.said, “He turned toward, all right.Toward Gigi.”
“That’s—”
“No,” Melody told Eric.“We’ll put that aside for now.What we’re talking about is what happened before that.What happened in your relationship — the two of you.”
*
K.D.almost felt sorry for Melody by the time she sent Eric out for an “activity” of his choice, while talking one-on-one with K.D.
It was heavy going for the counselor getting them to talk.She supposed both of them were being careful.She also was eager to get out of the sessions and get to her real work.
Their real work, she supposed, since she’d agreed to teamwork.
Possibly because of Melody’s struggles in the combo session, K.D.gradually shifted the trend from Melody asking questions, to the counselor answering them.She’d learned one of her best skills in questioning witnesses or suspects was being a good listener.
She eased into comments about how satisfying it must be to help couples … and how disappointing when the counseling didn’t succeed.
Melody sighed.“It’s hard when you think you’ve made a difference, that a couple has a good chance, if they keep working.Then they leave, and it seems like nothing they’d achieved sticks.They go back to the old habits — or worse.”She shook her head.“It’s sad.”
“Especially if kids are involved,” K.D.said to keep her talking.
“That’s one bright spot.Our couples with kids have done much better statistically.”She perked up.“I hadn’t made that connection before.Perhaps the children strengthen the bond that— Oh, not that couples without children can’t make it.I’m not saying that at all.”
“It’s okay.I have no illusions about our future.”
“They don’t have to be illusions,” Melody said earnestly.
The timer on their session discreetly sounded, and K.D.felt a rush of relief.
Itwasall relief, wasn’t it?
*
After Eric’s one-on-one session, they were sent for another walk.This time, with enough time that they were not limited to the grounds.
They struck out for the old railway bed and Jessa’s store.
“How did you use your free time?”he asked.“Did you get a massage?Sit in the hot tub?”
“Used it the same way you probably used yours.Nosing around.You first.”
“I went to the business office.Hoped it would be empty, but it turns out Harvey, the business manager, likes to work Saturdays because it’s quiet in the office.”
“Bad luck.”
“Not entirely.Pauline set it up so I had aquestionablecharge on my credit card, so we discussed that.When he pulled up my records, I saw how they set up their system, what sort of information they have.It appears they keep the financials and counseling records separate, but I’d sure like to look more closely.”
