Page 17 of Into the Dark, We Go
Mitchell turned to me. "You gotta come with us."
I had commitments in Minneapolis, but I caught myself already making mental notes to cancel my shifts at the café and the bar. Then, there was Ohio and the paper-shuffling job at the VA hospital waiting for me under my mother’s wing. She expected me home by next Sunday, leaving us with a tight deadline. If I wasn’t back by then, she’d be furious. Though they were fading, I clung to these concerns out of habit, the fragile threads connecting me to normalcy unraveling. The hope of inserting something between me and the life waiting for me at my mom’s was winning out.
"Can we take my car?" I asked. It made sense to do so, allowing me to drive straight to Ohio afterward.
"Sure thing." Mitchell’s expression softened into a nod.
"Ride in that old bucket again? It smells like moldy chips." June shook her head. Her brother nudged her under the table, and she rolled her eyes theatrically.
Mitchell booked two rooms at the motel, one for June and me and another for himself. This might have been a nod to the old-fashioned practice of segregating accommodations by gender, or perhaps he just wanted his sister and me to bondbefore our road trip. Either way, when I entered the room, June was already heading out to join her brother, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sat on the second bed, smoothing the worn bedspread.
I finally admitted to myself that I felt excited and alive—perhaps for the first time in a long while. My mother was right. I had locked myself out from the rest of the world. But setting off with people I’d only met two days ago to search for Lucas wasn’t exactly what she meant by "living up to my potential." On the other hand, I was done justifying myself to her. And I could still make it home on time. Our trip would likely take less than a week.
I lay on the creaky bed. The pungent scent of old fabric, dust, and disinfectant enveloped me, filling my nostrils and exacerbating my headache. My stomach twisted with slow-building anxiety, like a tiny whisper in my ear warning me of upcoming danger. In my head, I ran through all the worst-case scenarios, but none seemed catastrophic. Yet, I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was making me feel so unsettled. Was it the fear of confirming that Lucas was really dead? This knowledge had always lingered in the back of my mind. But what would I do if he came back into my life after all this time? Would I be wracked entirely by it?
Hoping to smother the headache, I took two ibuprofen and surrendered to a restless sleep.
My dreams were dark and tangled. I was either chasing Lucas through a crowded space, desperate to reach him, or running through the woods, calling out his name. Scary symbols from Amanda’s photo were carved into the trees, staring and unblinking.
When I woke up two hours later, darkness had settled outside. My heart raced, and it took a moment to recall my surroundings. June hadn’t returned yet.
My phone was buzzing. I picked it up and saw an unfamiliar number from Minnesota. I decided to take my chances and answered.
"It’s Nick. You came by my house today," said the familiar voice. "Can we meet? I have something to share with you."
6
Chapter Six
September, 2020
I thoughthe’d want me to come by his house again, but he suggested a bar downtown. I was relieved. I didn’t need to be a horror movie fan to know the risks of going to a stranger’s house alone at night.
I stepped out of the motel room, about to knock on the door next to mine when I lapsed in judgment. Nick had both my number and Mitchell’s but chose to call me. Perhaps it was something to do with Lucas rather than Amanda. I trusted Mitchell and June, but I worried that Mitchell’s assertiveness and June’s lack of patience might intimidate the guy, so I decided to talk to him alone to increase my chances of actually finding something out. And I fully intended to fill them in later, once I knew what Nick had to say.
The bar was mostly empty, with just a few people hunched over drinks at scattered tables. It smelled just like the bar I worked at—fries and beer. However, this one seemed a bit more upscale, with candles on each table. I ordered a hard apple cider and sat down at a table by the window, waiting for Nick. Acouple in the corner interrupted a long kiss and fell into quiet conversation, smiling at each other.
I forced myself to stop picking at my bracelet.
Seated facing the entrance, I watched the door intently and caught sight of Nick’s arrival the moment he strode in, still disheveled and wearing the same checkered shirt. He looked nothing like Lucas, but their height was nearly the same, around six foot two. That resemblance alone made me uncomfortable, triggering something visceral, as if my body remembered Lucas before my mind could suppress the thought.
Nick recognized me, too, and headed straight for my table.
"Where are your friends?" he asked, settling into the uncomfortable wooden chair.
"I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see all of us or just me."
I couldn’t tell whether he approved.
"You guys came asking about Mary and caught me off guard. I got lost for a minute. Wasn’t sure what it was about."
"Okay?" I was growing impatient.
"And it wasn’t until you left that I realized I should have told you."
"Told us what?"
He fell silent, collecting his thoughts before responding. Throughout this time, I held my breath.
