Page 66 of Don't Remind Me
“Jase.” My father stepped inside from the deck, sliding the glass door closed behind him. Guess I was really in trouble now. Just like old times. “That’s not how you speak to your mother. She was just looking out for you.”
My hands rolled into fists on the cold granite as I strained to keep my voice even. “She completely disregarded everything I said about Gabby. Either she wasn’t listening to me or she didn’t care. Neither of you do.” I drew my arms wide. “What am I supposed to do with that?”
My mom showed me her palm and turned away. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”
“Your mom’s right,” my dad said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “It’s disrespectful to your brother to discuss this now, anyway. He’s the one we should be focusing on today.”
I blew out something too bitter to be a laugh, focusing anywhere but at them. If I looked at them right now, I didn’t think I’d be able to hold in my scream.
“Come on, dear.” He led my mom toward the sliding door. “Stephanie was going to start opening presents. I know you had a plan for that.”
Because opening presents needed a plan. Apparently,opening themwas too simple.
I watched out the kitchen window as my mom plastered on a smile and took up her place as ring leader, coordinating the move of presents over to the oak tree where Stephanie still sat. She waved Alec over, and he took a stance behind his wife, bending to drop a kiss on her cheek as his hands rubbed her round belly. The ladies circling them all awed, and the men all cheered him on, the perfect son living his perfect life while I was on the outside once again.
I stayed for another half hour, watching them open presents from the rear of the deck before I slipped into the house and left. Chances were I’d be back in Philly long before anyone noticed.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Dani
I pulledthe last box off the top shelf of my closet and wiped it with the dust rag. Early 2000s pop music filled my apartment from the portable speaker on my coffee table, and I bounced my hips to Britney’s voice as I flipped the lid off the box to see what was inside. I’d spent most of the day cleaning my apartment, getting rid of things I no longer wanted or needed while reconnecting with some hidden gems I’d forgotten I had.
In a normal way this time, not a nervous fit.
It wasn’t that there was nothing to be nervous about. HBC’s board had approved my virtual panel idea, so we were officially in hype-building mode. The first thing I’d done was post a single sentence on my social media: “Abortion is healthcare.”
As expected, the trolls who’d started following me after the interview took it and ran, which re-sparked the whole online debate so that by the time we made the official announcement, people were eager to take part. Hundreds had already registered to attend the panel, many sending in genuine questions for our speakers to answer. It was shaping up to be the highlight of the symposium.
Maybe that was why I was in such a good mood. Or it could be that I’d been at my apartment so scarcely lately that giving it some attention was grounding. And okay—it had the added bonus of keeping my mind off Jase and the baby shower.
It wasn’t that I wasnervousabout the shower. I didn’t really know how I felt. Weird, I guess. Mostly because I couldn’t be there with Jase.
I knew he felt weird about it too, but neither of us seemed to know what to do with that weird, so it just sort of existed between us, like when Baxter wedged his way between our legs to cuddle with us both on the couch—notbad, but something we had to maneuver around. Especially if we wanted to get closer.
I’d thought of texting him a few different times today, but I didn’t know if that would be helpful for him or add more stress—a reminder of the thing he was still keeping from his family. A thing we hadn’t yet defined or looked too closely at. We’d seemed to come to an unspoken agreement that if this bubble had to eventually pop, we wanted to enjoy it while we could.
So instead, I cleaned. I’d turned it into a ritual, with comfort music and a glass of wine, savoring the enjoyment of being in my space.
After I finished with the closet, I planned to shower and head over to Jase’s apartment. He wasn’t getting home until late and would probably be too tired to cook, so I thought I’d get something ready for him that he could quickly reheat before going to bed. He’d given me a key to take care of Baxter in case of an emergency, and I figured he wouldn’t mind me using it for this.
I removed the lid from the box and, one at a time, took the items out to sort through. It was mostly college stuff—an old paper I had been particularly proud of, some photos of me with my roommates from junior and senior year, the tassel from my graduation cap. I’d saved it to turn into a Christmas ornament, but I guess never having my own Christmas tree had limited my motivation on that one.
My hand smacked against something hard, and I pulled out a long, flat jewelry box. A memory came with it: my birthday during spring semester of my junior year, Alec and me studying on his dorm bed, him placing this box in front of me. I opened it now just as I had then.
The necklace looked exactly as I remembered. A thin sterling-silver chain with a single heart pendant, one side of the heart embedded with tiny diamond studs.
“It’s a promise charm,” he’d told me. “I know we’re not ready to get married yet, but hopefully soon we will be. And until then, this can let everyone know how much I love you.”
It was beautiful. The necklace and the gesture. Yet I’d lain there with no clue what to say, my brain spinning like the cursor on a computer when it freezes, a pinch of nerves or doubt orsomethingpulling in my belly.
It was the first time I’d felt it about our relationship. The first time the smile for him on my lips had been forced. I’d just kept staring at the necklace, exactly as I was now, unable to shake the fact that it wasn’t a style I’d ever have picked for myself. It felt significant somehow, like if he didn’t know my taste in jewelry, how well did he really knowme?
More interesting was how I always forgot that detail whenever I fantasized about my relationship with Alec and what might have been if I hadn’t ended things. It hadn’t crossed my mind in over a month, but all the times before, I’d only ever seemed to focus on the ways he had been perfect for me. His good looks, and his warm smile, and how easy it had been to be with him.
I’d never stopped to consider how it had probably been so easy because I’d let him make my decisions for me. How we’d never fought because I’d brushed off the things that bugged me, discounting them as trivial. How the necklace wasn’t the only gift he’d gotten me that I’d had to pretend to like more than I actually did. Like the milk chocolates he’d gotten me for Valentine’s Day when I preferred dark. And the geometric patterned scarf he’d given me for Christmas in colors I never wore.
In my head, the important thing had been that he’d gone through the effort of getting me gifts at all. The fact that they weren’t perfect shouldn’t matter. But looking back now, it had never really been about the gifts; it had been about me not feeling seen. And as comfortable as I’d thought I felt with him, I hadn’t been comfortable enough to mention it, to tell him I liked nutty chocolates better than cream fillings, or that I wanted to be in a job for two years before I started thinking about marriage.
