Page 11 of Don't Remind Me
I threw the strap of my bag over my shoulder and lowered my head as I strode for the front door, trying to forget the fullness of his smile as we’d talked and the glowing sort of heat it had blossomed inside me. Or how quickly it had all been wiped away by his blank stare.
If I walked fast enough, maybe I could leave behind the sting of it still lingering in my chest.
Chapter Four
Jase
Baxter purred in my lap,his gray fluffy body stretched out so his head hung off the edge of my thigh, oblivious to the waves of disappointment pouring through my computer screen. Dr. Ohara studied me with the same careful attention he always did during our sessions, and the sensation of being stripped naked and shoved under a microscope had yet to grow any more comfortable. I shifted in my seat on my couch.
“And then?” Dr. Ohara asked. “What happened next?”
“I walked away.”
“That’s it? You didn’t say anything else?”
I shook my head and winced. I didn’t need a psychology degree to recognize I’d fucked up. I could even list all the ways how: withdrawing, avoidance, defensiveness. Generally being a dick. It hadn’t even felt like me doing it. More like some adolescent asshole had taken over my brain the second Dani told me she’d dated Alec.
What were the chances that she of all people would be tied to him?
And why did it have to be her?
My work was the one place my brother was never supposed to be able to touch me, the one piece of my life I could live out from under the crushing weight of his perfection.
Until now.
“What’s coming up for you as you think back on this?” Dr. Ohara asked.
“Anger,” I said right away.
“Good. Anger at what?”
I opened my mouth to answer, then realized I didn’t know. Despite how I’d reacted to Dani, it wasn’t her I was mad at. She didn’t do anything wrong, and this situation had to be just as awkward for her. It definitely explained her bizarre behavior when we’d first met.
She probably still has feelings for him.
It wasn’t the first time I’d thought it. You didn’t act that way about someone who meant nothing to you.
Alecwouldkeep a girl loving him years after they broke up. I wasn’t even sure any of my girlfriends had really loved me while we were together.
And there I’d been yesterday, thinking maybe there was something between Dani and me. The whole time we talked, she probably compared me tohim, tallying up all the ways I didn’t live up.
I wanted to be mad at Alec, but that wasn’t fair either. He hadn’t done any of this on purpose. It wasn’t his fault he was naturally good at everything. Just like it wasn’t his fault that I was a fuckup.
If anything, I was angry with myself.
“I’m mad I still feel this way,” I admitted.
“What way is that?”
He knew. We’d been in this place many times before, which was why I knew he would make me say it. “Like I’m not good enough.”
The words hurt as they came out, yanking at something raw deep within my chest. I clenched my jaw and took a long inhale through my nose to try and relieve the pressure behind my eyes. Focusing on Baxter helped, my hand drawing steady strokes over his fur. His purrs grew louder, easing some of the sting.
Dr. Ohara’s next words were gentle but firm. “You’re not a failure for feeling this way, Jase. In fact, the more you catch yourself when you are feeling it, the easier it will be to start changing the thought pattern that has you believing it. But in the meantime, it’s important you learn not to take that feeling out on other people.”
I nodded, watching Baxter’s belly rise and fall, the tips of his fur lighter where it caught the sun. “I know.”
I pictured the hurt that had flashed through Dani’s face when I’d insulted her menu and dismissed all her hard work. Dismissed her. She hadn’t deserved it. Especially not when she’d been brave enough to be honest in the first place.
