Page 46 of Ours to Lose
“Not because of Patrick,” she hurried to clarify. “He was never careless or rough or anything. He did his best to help me enjoy it.”
My muscles relaxed a little. “Did you tell him when it hurt?”
Her cheeks went red. “Not after the first couple of times. Mostly because it wasn’t anything he did wrong. I just could never…get ready enough. And that made me nervous about the next time, which pretty much made it impossible to relax…”
“Which didn’t help it feel any better.”
She released a frustrated breath. “Yeah.”
No wonder she’d never tried sleeping with anyone else. She wasn’t just nervous about pain; she probably expected it. A concern I’d never had to worry about as a guy. Even the worst sex I’d had still felt good. I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like to carry around not just the possibility but the likelihood it wouldn’t.
The need to give her everything she wanted from this solidified in me like a steel fucking wall. At the very least, she’d know sex didn’t have to hurt.
Hopefully, that we were having this conversation right now meant she was comfortable enough with me for that not to be an issue. And if getting aroused was the problem, our New Year’s kiss sure suggested I turned her on just fine.
What we needed was to get her out of her head.
“Was there anything you liked?” I asked. “Anything that always felt good for you?” Starting in her comfort zone seemed like the best way to ease her into more.
She glanced at my lips. “I…liked kissing.”
“Yeah?” I liked kissing her too. A lot. Enough to have me stiffening against my zipper just remembering it. “What about oral?”
Her blush returned as she looked away, and I knew what was coming before she even said it. “Patrick did it once.”
“Only once?”
She nodded at the pillow. “I could tell he didn’t like it, so I felt weird asking again.”
My nostrils flared at the self-consciousness in her tone, the embarrassment that told me she believed it was her fault, like she’d somehow done something wrong.
“Did he ask you to go down on him?”
“I volunteered a few times, but we mostly skipped oral altogether.”
Right.Thatwouldn’t be happening here. Her ex might have hated giving oral, or maybe he’d been nervous about it. Either way, I didn’t have that problem. I’d be more than happy to give her what she’d missed.
In fact, my new mission was to take every disappointing experience she’d had with sex and replace it with one a hundred times better.
“You want to find out if you like it?”
An edge of excitement lit her eyes. She tried to contain it as she nodded.
“Good, because I fucking love giving oral.” I wanted no question in her mind when I went down on her that it was exactly where I wanted to be. Just thinking of giving her a taste of it, of gettingmyfirst taste ofher, had my skin going hot beneath my shirt. “What else do you like?”
She swallowed, her eyes going hazy like she was remembering something. “I like when you touch me.”
Had I touched her? Barely. Light nudges and accidental grazes. The occasional hug.
New Year’s.
My hands had been all over her then.
I wanted them all over her now. My voice came out low. “You want me to touch you?”
She bit her bottom lip and nodded.
Something shifted in the energy around us, the air growing thick. My eyes traveled the length of her, along the ink flowers winding up her legs and disappearing under the short hem of that goddamn dress. Her chest rose on a deep breath, drawing my stare to the swell of her breasts and the faint points of her nipples peeking through.
