Page 7 of Ours to Lose
My gaze swung to Zach, who was taking advantage of his wiry height to peer over me into the crowd. “Boyfriend?” I asked. “Since when?”
His gauged ears went pink as he failed to hold back a smile. “That guy from the concert last month. We sort of made it official a few days ago.”
Had I heard about the guy from the concert? I had no clue which concert, so probably not.
“Luis brought a date too,” Zach added, eager to shift the attention from himself. “He finally asked out that girl who’s been coming into the restaurant.”
“Which girl?” I asked.
“The short one with bangs? Always orders the maitake steak? She started coming in a few weeks ago.”
I managed a smile, forcing it wider as he and Jase joked about the look of pure terror Luis had worn before making his move. A pit opened in my stomach the longer I listened.
How much had I missed in the past three months? What else was I out of the loop on when it came to these boys I practically counted as little brothers?
Not nearly as much as I’d miss from now on.
I may have still been a part of the Ardena family, but not in the same way as before. We were no longer a single unit. They weren’t here celebrating our achievement; they were here celebrating mine.
Iwas crushing it.Iwas shining. Yet somehow, it felt likeIwas being left behind.
The pit in my stomach gaped wider as it fed on itself like a black hole.
An arm draped around my shoulders, and Evan pulled me into a side hug. “The badass of the hour.” He nodded toward the stunning Asian woman at his side with silky dark hair and cheekbones any social-media model would envy. “Emily here said she hates collards, and even she couldn’t get enough of the fried rolls.”
“They were really good,” she agreed about the collard spanakopita cigars with mint oil. She turned a flirtatious grin toward Evan. “I can’t wait for dessert.”
His arm fell from my shoulders as he pulled her close, his voice dropping low. “Oh yeah?”
I averted my eyes. As glad for him as I was he’d found his kiss for the night, I didn’t need to see it up close.
Only, one look around, and I found myself surrounded by couples.
Boyfriend and girlfriend. Boyfriend and boyfriend. Husband and wife. Special someones, if only for tonight. It hadn’t felt significant before this moment, standing amid the cluster of them…alone.
Everyone paired off with me as the odd one out.
“One minute to go!” Jillian announced from the stage, turning the party’s attention to the crystal-studded ball at the far end of the room.
In less than sixty seconds, it would reach the stage in a whirlwind of lights and confetti, and every person here would turn to their partner to share the moment with while I floated adrift, not forgotten but not chosen either. The background extra in someone else’s movie.
My neck went hot as an uncomfortable feeling took root in my stomach, its vines growing and twisting around my organs and squeezing too tight.
“I’ll be right back,” I blurted. My voice got swallowed by the swell of music as I ducked away while everyone’s attention stayed fixed on the display.
The live band started a drumroll, and claps picked up in time to the countdown—all of it drowned out by the pulse in my ears as I pushed my way to the kitchen. Even as I reached the solitude of tiled floors and stainless steel appliances, my breaths refused to slow, my eyes burning for reasons I didn’t understand as I dug through my pocket for my phone.
What was happening? Nothing about tonight should have upset me. The people I loved showing up for me shouldn’t have made me feel worse. My throat shouldn’t have been tightening with held-back tears while everything around me seemed to stretch and fold into a cavern of empty space with me stranded in the middle.
I wasn’t new to being alone, yet here it was swallowing me up like a snake with its jaw stretched wide.
Maybe I should have said yes to one of the guys Evan picked for me. Maybe something shallow and meaningless would have been enough to prevent whatever crack this was inside me from forming.
Something told me it would have made everything worse.
Throat thick, I unlocked my screen and opened Gabe’s messages, seeking the buzz of connection I got any time his texts came through.
My fingers stalled over the keyboard with no clue how to put into words what I wanted. Then I remembered I’d either be waking him or interrupting whatever he’d gotten up so early for before.
