Page 78 of Ours to Lose
Something about saying it felt wrong. Not because it wasn’t true. Sex with Aubrey was always fun. More than any sex I’d had before.
But it was more than that too. Personal in a way most of the sex I’d had before hadn’t been. It was the “just” that felt wrong.
Aubrey wasn’t “just” anything.
She propped her chin on my chest with a glint in her eye. “So when do I get my real present?”
“Depends. What are your birthday plans?”
“Not much. I’ll get drinks with Evan later. The last few years, I was always working, so that’s been my go-to.”
I frowned. “You don’t want to do more?” It was Saturday, the weather was supposed to be perfect, and she didn’t have to work. I didn’t believe for a second she’d rather spend the day alone at home than do something fun.
She shrugged. “Jase and the guys are working, and so is Evan most of the day. He’s trying to put himself in a good position for this promotion that might happen, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
I scrutinized her face, trying to figure out if that was what she thought she was doing when she asked others for anything—getting in the way. I knew why she might feel that way with her parents, but I never expected she’d worry about it with Evan. Especially on a day traditionally meant to celebrate her.
She deserved that celebration. Something easy and fun to let her feel special.
“We could do something,” I suggested.
“Don’t you train on Saturdays?”
“I’ll train a few hours this morning, and then we’ll do something for the rest of the day.”
We’d basically handled my cardio. Even lazy morning sex got the heart rate up. Plus, Noah was packing for training camp, which meant I didn’t have anyone to spar with. Until I figured that out, I could afford one light day.
And this felt more important. Making sure her day was filled with laughter, letting it be a break from the frustration and strain work had been for her lately. Letting her feel just an echo of the positive impact her existence had on others.
“I promise, you won’t be in the way,” I said at her look of uncertainty.
“If I say yes, will I get my present sooner?”
I smiled with feigned reluctance, the rest of me settling into a quiet glow. “Fine. You’ll get it when we get to the gym.”
She beamed and shot from the bed. “I’ll go shower.”
My laughter followed her out of the room.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Aubrey
We gotto the gym a little over an hour later. I’d offered to come on my own and bring Gabe’s gym bag so he could run here and get started on his training, but he’d insisted he didn’t need the run.
He was aware of his training needs better than I was, and with how much this tournament meant to him, there was no way he would jeopardize his chances, but I couldn’t help the voice in my head telling me that was exactly what he was doing. That this one missed workout could be the difference between him getting his dream gym or not, and he’d come to regret he chose me.
I hoped that voice was wrong because the rest of me liked to be chosen. More than I’d ever be willing to admit.
Just like I never would have admitted how much I didn’t want to spend my birthday alone.
I was twenty-nine. Nothing huge. Not a year worth throwing a party for or making a big deal of. None of my birthdays since college had been. Not since Nana died.
It wasn’tbecauseshe died I’d stopped celebrating. It had just been around the same time I’d started working in restaurants, and things like birthdays took a back seat.
But in some ways, it was easier to have work as an excuse than to think too much about how strange it would be to have a birthday dinner that didn’t end with Nana’s yellow cake and chocolate frosting. One she’d made from scratch with love for me. How final it would feel to know she would never give me another card with money for tattoos or tell Evan and me stories about when she was our age.
Birthdays were a celebration of life. A reminder we were still here, getting older.
