Page 83 of Ours to Lose
“Cool. Colin and I are almost done too.”
I couldn’t tell if the eagerness in my voice was all in my head or if she heard it too. If my physical desire to see her had seeped its way into my psyche. Or maybe it was the other way around—that my head couldn’t get enough, and it was sending my body into overdrive.
All I knew was I wanted her here, and I’d been counting the minutes all day.
Not even for sex, just…for her smile. Her laughter. Her ability to make me laugh too. Real, genuine laughter and not the memory of it my body had tried to replicate since my mom died. The one that felt forced even when I found something funny, as if someone held a lid over my joy, preventing it from coming all the way to the surface.
Aubrey tore off that lid. She let me breathe again.
And ever since she thanked me on her birthday for giving her the bare fucking minimum she deserved as a celebration, I’d been dying to bring her all that joy and more. Still with her calling the shots, like letting her choose to come here instead of going to her apartment.
It was better this way—easier to maintain boundaries here. Not to fall into the routine of two people who kissed each other good night, who slept in the same bed, who made love.
There was no bed for us to make love in here. No kitchen for her to cook us dinner in. No couch for us to sit on while I massaged her feet after she worked a long event. No way for me to get hooked on the familiarity of being in her life day in and day out, one small moment at a time.
“Colin still working out?” she asked, snapping me back from my impossible daydream. My fingers rubbed my chest as if working out a knot. I rolled them into a fist.
“He’s awesome,” I said. “I owe you for telling Jase I needed a sparring partner.”
“I didn’t tell him.”
Wait. “You didn’t?”
“No. I assumed you mentioned it to him when you were setting up for my party.”
“No, I…” I shook my head. “Weird.”
“I’ll ask him today if I see him. I just got to Ardena.”
“Sounds good. Good luck with Jillian.”
She blew out a breath. “Thanks.”
Back in the gym, Colin stretched in the ring.
“Question for you,” I said as I climbed through the ropes. “Did Jase say anything about who told him I was looking for a sparring partner?” The only person besides Aubrey and Noah I’d mentioned it to was my dad, and I didn’t see him bringing it to Jase.
“Your brother mentioned it when he picked up his ticket.”
My brain skidded to a halt as all the blood in my body tried to rush to my head. Any second, I’d wake up face down on the mat. “My brother?”
“Evan, right? Pretty blond fellow who flirts with every person he meets?”
That was definitely Evan. “What ticket?”
Colin looked at me like I should get my head checked for a concussion. “To the boxing tournament. He asked Jase to grab him one. I figured you were seeing Jase first or something, and it was easier to pass it on through him.”
My legs went shaky, ready to give out. I considered sitting down, but I was pretty sure if I tried, my knees would buckle, and I’d end up sprawled on my ass. Emotionally, I was already there.
I’d assumed the extra tickets Jase bought were for his brother’s friends. I never thought…
My heart pounded as too many emotions filled my chest. Evan was going to my fight. He’d found me a training partner. He…wanted me to win?
Did that mean he wanted me to stay?
Iwanted him to want me to stay. I wanted him to want me as his big brother again. To be proud of me again. To think I was worth believing in again.
I wanted to call him right now and tell him how much I loved him and how much it meant that he’d be watching me from the stands.
