Page 37 of Letters From a Broken Heart
“I can do that without a problem. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it tonight. This meeting will most likely be long. Can you still pack a bag and come back here though?”
“Yes. Just text me when you’re on your way home and I’ll meet you.”
“Nah, I have a key for you. You can come back whenever you want, but if you’re not here when I get home, I’m going to be annoyed.”
“Ok.” I laugh at how serious he is. He really wants me to live here. “What are you doing with Jack’s room?”
“I don’t know. I feel weird cleaning it out, but I'm not keeping it a shrine to him forever.” Easton runs his fingers through his hair, then glances at his watch.
Without another word, I rush into our room and get changed. We can talk on the drive, I don’t want him anxious about being late.
“Do you want me to start sorting through things? I could make a trash, keep, and donate piles. You can still check each pile, but it would be less work for you.”
“I’d love that, but you don’t need to do that if you have work to do.”
“I didn’t take any projects for this week. I wasn’t sure how I’d be.”
“Are you sure going through his things won't be too painful for you?” Easton places his large palm on my thigh and squeezes gently.
“I think it’s better if it happens sooner rather than later. It will help me come to terms with it.”
“Then do it, but if at any point it’s too much, I want you to stop and I’ll handle the rest.”
Stopping outside of Jack’s door, I suck in a deep breath and blow it out slowly. I rushed through packing my things at my apartment so I could get back here and have more time tosort through Jack’s stuff.
I don’t want there to be an entire room of Jack’s things next to the room I’ll be sharing with Easton. It feels wrong. Like we’re both holding onto him and it makes me feel like our relationship is wrong.
I know I'm going to struggle with how people view our relationship, especially so soon after Jack died, but I can't change that. After talking to Easton and the memories that have surfaced for me, I truly think Jack regretted dating me. Not because he didn’t love me in his own way, but because he knew Easton and I were meant to be together.
I twist the knob and push open the door. Right away, I'm slammed with the scent of Jack. The earthy cologne he always wore and I hated. I preferred Easton’s old leather and spice scented cologne.
On his nightstand there’s a picture of the two of us. We’re sitting on the boat and smiling at the camera. I have my hand on Jack’s chest, but he isn't even touching me. I frown at the image and wonder how I never saw it. How did I spend so many years with someone who didn’t really want me?
I place the frame on one side of the bed and open the top drawer. There’s a notebook inside and my brows draw together as I flip it open and find a diary-like entry.
How did I think asking her out was smart? I knew he was in love with her. Jeez, anyone within ahundred miles could tell they were in love with each other. Everyone except them. And because I'm a selfish jerk, instead of pointing it out to them, I swooped in and made sure they could never be together.
I was angry at him. She looks at him like he was the most amazing person in town. No, the world. Nope, in the entire universe. I just wanted a woman to look at me like that. I wanted her to be mine and I definitely didn’t want to lose her to him.
But I screwed up.
A small part of me thought if she dated me, she’d start looking at me the way she looks at him, but that never happened. She still stared longingly at him. She still laughed a little harder and smiled a little brighter at him. She’d seek him out. I’d find her in the garage watching him work on that stupid car more times than I can count.
I don’t know why I was never enough for her. I never will be. Now everything is screwed up. I can't break up with my best friend or I’ll lose her, but I can't kiss her or touch her, knowing she’d rather it was him kissing her and touching her. Even if I did break up with her, he’d never date her and she’d never take the leap and make a move on her own.
Nope, I destroyed everything, just like I always do.
I swipe at the tears on my cheeks and blow out a ragged breath. Jack knew Easton and I were in love with each other. He made a move, knowing he was going to ruin everything.
Anger and pity spread through me. I feel bad for him. He wanted this amazing love and he settled knowing he’d never get it from me.
His reason behind not kissing me or touching me makes sense now, but why keep dating me? I understand he didn’t want to lose me as a friend, but how far was he going to take this? Was he willing to propose and get married? Have kids and give me the future I wanted, or was he waiting for me to break up with him? Was he going to wait until I got fed up with the lack of attention and intimacy he gave me?
Iflip the page over and find another entry. The first paragraph is like a knife to my chest.
She’s perfect. Exactly what I’ve been looking for in a woman. I just wish I had found her first. Taylor’s nothing compared to her and I know it. I’ll never be happy with Taylor, but Cassy could be it for me.
I’m trying to figure out how I can break up with Taylor without it becoming a huge thing. Can I somehow push her into Easton’s arms? I wouldn’t even pretend to be upset, I’d smile happily and cheer them on.
