Page 8 of The Choices I've Made
We watched the second-to-last ferry pull from the shore from our table in the restaurant, knowing there was one on its way back for us. It vanished into the dark waters of the Atlantic like some mystic pirate ship sailing into oblivion. After a beer or two, we paid our tab and set out toward our vehicles.
“Definitely couldn’t have done that if I had the boat,” he said before letting out a manly belch.
I shook my head in amusement. “No, definitely not.”
“So, I’ll see you in a few,” Dean said, slipping his hands in his jean pockets.
“Right. Priority pass,” I said as something dawned on me once again.
I was a tourist here now. Dean was a local.
The dividing line was clear as day as he wandered off toward his vehicle. Residents of Ocracoke could apply for a priority pass, giving them easy access to and from the island, while people like me had to wait in line.
“I’ll see you out there,” I hollered over my shoulder, bidding him a farewell as he took his place in the priority lane.
The walk back to my rental was short and the salt air did little to calm my nerves.
This was it.
In one hour, I’d be back on Ocracoke Island.
Hoping into the car, I revved the engine and pulled into the short line of cars waiting to board the ferry, feeling like the greatest imposter of them all.
A local with no home.
A deserter with nothing to look forward to but a lonely house and a dead father.
I slowly made my way onto the ferry, remembering the last time I’d done so.
It was a few days before my freshman orientation, and I had been determined to make the cross-country trip alone. My father and I had gotten into a huge fight the day before.
“You have other options!” he yelled. “Better options.”
“You mean, the options that would keep me here, close to you.”
He sighed, placing his hands against his forehead, as if he were trying to smooth out the stress of the last three months.
“You know, I’m not the only one here who wants you to stay.”
His words hit me like a battering ram. Less than twelve hours earlier, Molly had said the same exact thing.
But nothing was going to deter me.
Not family obligation or young love.
“I’m going to college, Dad. I’m going to college where I want to go, not you. Nothing can keep me here. You can’t make me attend college at NC State or force me to come back here to take over your mess of a practice. You lost that power over me when you killed my mother.” I regretted it the instant the fateful words had fallen from my mouth. I could see the pain they’d caused, feel the last thread snap that bound us together.
“Well then, I guess that’s it,” he said, his voice hoarse and filled with regret. “I wish you nothing but the best.”
I watched him walk away, leaving the small living room I’d filled with tension and animosity.
I should have been happy. I’d stood my ground. I’d won.
But, rather than elation, I felt dread.
And overwhelming sadness.
That day was the beginning and the end for me.
