Page 100 of The Affair
This year though, is different.
The house is filled with childish laughter and anticipation as the grandkids wait for Santa to arrive. Both my daughters are under the same roof, and the table is filled with treats once again.
And although time has passed, the house feels magical again.
It should be enough to make anyone happy.
But I’m not.
All I can think about is him. How long until they leave and I can run back to him? Is he spending Christmas alone? What would life be like if we were together?
It’s always him, him, him.
And it’s got to stop.
I can’t go on with this secret weighing on my shoulders.
Would they ever forgive me if they knew?
Could I forgive myself?
I need to end it.
I need to end it now.
I didn’t knowwhat I’d expected to discover from my grandmother’s secret journal. Maybe I’d hoped for a happy ending, like one of those romance novels I used to sneak in my backpack.
But she’d warned me from the beginning.
Believing in love doesn’t make it real.
Hearing Sawyer’s confession earlier that night had me rethinking everything.
Was what we had real? Or was I just trying to will something into existence that didn’t have a chance of surviving?
When the doorbell rang, I didn’t bother checking to see who it was. I’d been home, staring at the blank TV set for what felt like hours.
It was only a matter of time before he showed up.
He might know me, but I knew him too.
Or at least, I’d thought I did.
Opening the door, I found Sawyer on the other side. I also saw the bruise on his cheek.
“Oh my God, did he hit you?”
His hand briefly went to his cheek before he answered, “His face is worse than mine, trust me.”
I hated the idea of him fighting. But I also hated the idea of him lying.
“I wanted to come check on you,” he said.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
When he gave me a sideways glance, I knew I hadn’t convinced him.
“Really,” I pushed. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
