Page 61 of The Affair
I nodded. “Yeah, the writing is way different; it’s like the letter. I don’t know why she didn’t write like that throughout all of her journals. It’s quite lovely.”
“Maybe she wanted this one to be different,” he offered. “Like the journal itself. Or maybe she wrote differently because she was different. The events had changed her.”
I wanted to tell him more—about how reading it made me feel, about the details inside—but something stopped me.
Or someone.
Discovering who my nana’s secret affair had been with changed things. Not because I didn’t trust Sawyer with the information, but because the story felt too close to home. William wasn’t a neighbor like Aunt Sally had thought.
Nana had fallen for her brother-in-law while she nursed him back to health.
My ex-brother-in-law was currently standing in my kitchen, helping me get over the flu.
Coincidence? Maybe. But for now, that information could just stay between Nana and me until I had a minute or two to process it.
“Have you thought more about whether you want to tell your mom and aunt?” he asked as he slowly began to crack an egg. It was a painful process to watch.
“A little, and I’m still unsure. I think once I get through the whole thing, I’ll know better. I feel sort of terrible, like I’m keeping this huge secret from them, but at the same time, I want to protect them. I have a certain image of the kind of man my father was during his life. I’m not sure I’d ever want anyone to change that.”
“I can respect that,” he responded.
“Really? What happened to the guy from last night who said the truth was the only way?”
“I guess I realized I’m not the best expert when it comes to family.”
And why is that, Sawyer?I wanted to ask.
“I don’t think any of us are.” It was a cop-out. I was a total coward for not asking what I really wanted to know. “I think these are ready for the raisins,” I announced.
With me supervising, we successfully mixed all the wet and dry ingredients and added the oats.
“You mean, the chocolate chips?” He grinned.
“I thought we’d agreed on half and half? Don’t think I’ve forgotten your promise to try one of the originals.”
“I know; I know. But don’t hate me if I don’t like it.”
Giving him more sincerity than was necessary, I replied, “I don’t think I could if I tried.” I took a step back to grab the chocolate chips and raisins from the table, and before I could register what was happening, my feet were slipping out from under me.
Hands locked around my waist, and suddenly, I was in Sawyer’s arms.
“You okay?” he asked, his body pressed against mine.
“Mmhmm.” It was all I could manage.
“I think this might have been my fault,” he said, his gaze turning downward. A light dusting of flour covered the floor, making the otherwise stable linoleum somewhat like an ice rink.
“Oh,” I blurted out. “That’s okay. You caught me at least.”
“Yeah.” He smiled, his arms still slightly around me. “I did.”
I waited for him to step back, to put a safe distance between us, but when he didn’t, my eyes naturally drifted to his lips.
“What are we doing here, Sawyer?” I breathed out, hoping he’d understand my meaning.
“Dancing around something we’re both too afraid to act on,” he spoke low, and his voice was filled with an intensity that sent sparks up my spine.
“I’m not a very good dancer,” I finally said, meeting his gaze.
