Page 133 of Twist of Fate
“I came to see you and Da,” I reply, still feeling a bit dazed.
“Well, that’s nice of you, Finney. Come sit with me and chat?” she says, taking my hand and leading us to the sitting room on the left. It’s the same room where Ash and I solidified our relationship, and somehow, that seems fitting for what I’m about to tell her. She smooths out the pale pink beaded skirt of her dress, and I watch in wonder.
“How—”
She smiles. “I’ve been doing a little bit of—what did she call it—oh, yes. Soul searching.”
My brow furrows. “Who said that? What are you talking about?”
“Your Aisling, love. She and I have been spending quite a bit of time together. Didn’t she tell you she’s been coming to visit?”
I feel the ground shift beneath my feet. “What?”
“Oh, now that doesn’t surprise me in the least. She said she’s been worried about how much time you’ve been putting in the office.
“I—” I’m speechless. Utterly speechless. “She comes here? Here?” I press my pointer finger into the cushion of the couch cushion like an utter arse. “Since when?”
“Since your da’s stroke, love,” she answers plainly. She’s even wearing makeup. It highlights her healthy skin and bright green eyes. She doesn’t just look like the woman I remember; she looks even better. “She popped in a week or so after and offered to accompany me to the hospital or make me dinner. She’s a wiz in the kitchen, that girl. Says her mam taught her.”
“She’s brilliant,” I affirm. It’s just one of a million tiny things I’ve learned about her in the past six months. “So, you two just…hang out?”
She laughs. “I don’t know why you seem so surprised. I’m a delightful person to spend time with, I’ll have you know. Where do you think you learned all those manners?”
“Charm school?”
“Oh, off with ye and your charm school.” Her laughter echoes through the room. I don’t remember the last time I heard her sound so happy.
“You look grand, Ma.”
“I feel grand.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you through all this. I know it’s been hard.”
“It has,” she admits, her expression grim. “Spending time with Aisling and talking with her about her mother has made me realize just how much grief I was experiencing.”
Guilt washes over me. “I can’t imagine what it’s been like with Da so sick.”
“No, you can’t,” she agrees. “But I don’t think I could either. I essentially lost him, and that was hard, but it was the life that crumbled after his stroke that was far worse.”
“What do you mean?”
She takes my hand and squeezes it. The gesture makes me feel small again. “Being the wife of Mr. O’Connell is all I’ve known. For decades. It’s a role I’ve played flawlessly year after year, one I was so good at that even I didn’t realize how awful it was.”
“When your father fell ill, it felt like the spotlight that had been cast on us throughout our entire marriage suddenly shattered. All my so-called friends stopped inviting me to events, and the charities I volunteered for no longer needed me. Without him, I became just an outdated accessory that no one wanted.”
“That’s absurd,” I say. “You’re a Larkin. Your granda once owned half of Ireland.”
She offers a halfhearted wave with her other hand. “It doesn’t matter. It’s water under the bridge anyway.” She gives me a sad smile and sighs. “It’s taken me a long time to say that. I’ve been in mourning.”
“That’s normal, I think. Your husband nearly died.”
“Sure,” she agrees. “But I think most wives mourn the life they shared with their husbands. I was mourning the life I could have had without him.”
“You mean, if you hadn’t?—”
She must realize what she has said and amend her words. “Oh, no. I didn’t mean you. I love being your mother, Finn. I’m sorry if that came out wrong. Please know I would choose this life a hundred times over if it meant getting you out of the deal. It’s just that without all the usual distractions in my life to keep me busy, it became clear just how depressed I was. But I felt guilty at the same time because who thinks like that when their husband is upstairs suffering?”
“A lot of people,” I offer. “I think it’s perfectly normal to reflect on your life, Mam. Especially after going through something so traumatic.”
