Page 38 of Bitten By Mr. Darcy
Sometimes she tried to think of her life, stretching out ahead of her, as Mr. Collins’s wife, but whenever she did this, she shrank from it, unable to accept that it was really happening.
So, instead, she lived her life in a muted, trancelike state, each day flowing into the next, time marching on.
The night that there were pebbles striking her window, she thought she was dreaming it. She dreamed of him sometimes, dreamed of his coming back for her.
When she got out of bed and saw him down on the lawn, peering up at her, she still thought it a dream.
It was only when she was down on the lawn and he had her by the shoulders and he was shaking her, saying, “How could you consent to marry that man?” that she knew it was not, in fact, a dream.
She gazed up at him, dazed. “You’re here.”
He let go of her. “Oh, don’t answer that. Obviously, I know why you did it. You have a duty to your family, you have a responsibility. It is not about you. It is about the good of everyone. I know about such things. I have duties and responsibilities as well.” He shook his head at her.
She shrugged at him, and now she was finding some thread of emotion, and it was fierce. “This is what you wished for me. You wanted me to get married, have a normal human life. I don’t see why you’re displeased.”
He let out a noise in the back of his throat, one of disbelief.
She started to walk, not waiting to see if he would follow her. “Why are you back now? It is done. The wedding is next week.”
He fell into step with her. “You don’t wish to marry him, though.”
“Oh, this is something that matters to you now? My wishes? I thought you were so ancient and wise that you simply knew better than me about everything.”
He sighed. “Elizabeth, please. Do you wish to marry him? You can’t be in love with him.”
She gazed at him askance.
He let out a guffaw. “Tell me you aren’t in love with that man.”
“What if I were?” she said.
He sputtered. “Fine, if you are serious, then I suppose I shall leave you to it.” But he didn’t go anywhere. He kept pace with her.
“Oh, do you have some plan to stop it, then?” she said. “Truly?”
He stopped walking. “Oh, dear. I suppose I hadn’t really thought this through, had I?”
She stopped walking, too. “Why are you here, Mr. Darcy?”
“I can’t bear it if you marry him,” said Mr. Darcy. “It would not be good for you to be with me, but I can’t think it would be good for you to be with him. He would smother you, and you would be weighted down by his sheer banality. You are much too good for him, Elizabeth.”
She felt these words burrow into her in a way that made her feel some awful pain that was too intense for her to bear. She began to walk, very fast, as if she might outrun it. “It doesn’t matter, however. I have agreed, and that is that.”
“You can change your mind,” he said, coming after her. “A woman can break an engagement.”
She walked faster. “If I end the engagement now, it will cause all sorts of talk. What excuse can I give? And this is to say nothing about what will happen to my family—”
“I can take care of your family,” said Mr. Darcy. “Hell and damnation, Elizabeth, I shall charm Collins and your father and have them break the entail, and put an end to all of this!”
“You will do that, will you? After all, you have shown that you are so very willing to care for me, to think of my feelings—”
“I am sorry for that, but I thought it was best, you se—”
“And you cannot interfere with my family, for that will cause all sorts of talk also. What reason would you have to help me?”
“Well, I suppose I’m going to have to marry you,” he said gruffly.
She came to an abrupt stop. She stood stock still, barely breathing.
