Page 28 of Xantera
Suddenly, I have to bite down on a knuckle to keep myself from letting loose an absurd laugh.
Diggory was stealing from the actualGuardians. No wonder they didn’t want to let him go back to the Healing Center.
A decision clicks into place within me. I pocket the key, too, then slide the tile back where it belongs. If I’m not mistaken, Belinda won’t notice they’re gone because she refuses to look too closely, too afraid of what she’ll see.
Well, she has a lot more self-control than I do, apparently.
Straightening, I swish aside the curtain to step out of the shower, and make a point to busy myself at the toilet. I open and close the lid, flush, and wash my hands at the sink before I finally allow myself to return to the kitchen.
Just as I predicted, Belinda is sitting at her kitchen table once again, a fresh cup of tea cradled in her hands.
“Stomachache?” she asks dryly. I hear the hidden message beneath her words:cutting it kind of close, don’t you think?And yes, maybe I was in there for a little too long, but all I can do is clutch a hand against my lower abdomen and nod with a soft groan.
“The red clover’s a little strong for my taste,” I lie. “But thank you for the visit anyway. I’d best get going now.”
I dip my head and hurry to her door, trying not to glance at the blinking camera above her screen. It’s only when my hand rests on the doorknob that her voice sighs out at me, “The Monster is no idle threat. He is what awaits transgressors like my partner… and he is hungry.”
The way she says it makes me shiver. But after my last conversation with the Monster himself, I’m beginning to think no one is thrown over the Wall at all. And the more I think about it, the more ridiculous the idea becomes. Why would the Guardians waste all that blood? What would be the point? Besides to instill fear in us. The way Lucan practically laughed in my face when I said that echoes in my brain.
I know she’s trying to tell me to be careful, to tread more lightly than Diggory did or else the consequences will be severe, but for some reason I can’t help the thrill from erupting in where my supposed stomachache is.
Because maybe the Monster isn’t the only one who’s hungry.
Maybe I’m a little bit hungry, too.
The curfew announcement rings through the air as I hurry back down the main road, trying to tell myself tonothurry. To swing my arms at my sides like everyone else and not like someone who has a necklace, a mirror, and a key in her pockets.
“Citizens of Xantera, please return to your individual housing units. Recreational time is over. Citizens of Xantera, please return to your individual housing units. Recreational time is over.”
Oh, how I’m beginning to hate that smooth, female voice. It reminds me of the Wall—impenetrable and all-encompassing, squeezing us all tighter and tighter until we don’t have any of our own choices left.
Still, as I veer off the main road to head down the darkened alleyway between complexes, I can’t help but feel the excitement tingling in my fingertips at the prospect thatImade a choice tonight. Several, in fact.
I didn’t turn the necklace in to the Guardians. I discovered Diggory’s secrets that even the sentries couldn’t find. I chose which of those secrets to carry home with me. As if on instinct, I slip my hand into my pocket and graze the vial again, just to feel that shock, a reminder that I’malive.As soon as I’m safe in the confines of my own bed, I plan to—
My feet lurch to a standstill as I round a corner and face my housing unit’s door.
Fear floods through me, surging from my heart and down my body to the very tips of my fingers.
Because a sentry is already standing in front of it.
Adouse of fear sparks within me, and I know something’s wrong.
I don’t just feel it in the marrow of my very bones. I know it in the sparse memories that have woven through the synapses of my brain. Saskia’s words replay over and over in my head, like a symphony of clues I can’t help but fuse together.
I have no other choice but to hand over this annoying piece of jewelry to the Guardians.
When she said that to me, there was a hint of bitterness in her tone that I didn’t catch right away. At the time, I was having too much fun toying with her to notice, but now that I’m obsessively inspecting each and every thing she’s said to me over our two very brief conversations… this isn’t a woman who likes being told what to do. Maybe she’s stifled that part of her in order to survive the fucking zoo she’s been bred and raised in, maybe she doesn’t even know it about herself, but deep down, she wants nothing more than to be given a choice. A real one.
Which means she wouldn’t turn the necklace in to the Guardians, even after I told her I was the Monster. Even if she was paralyzed with horror, her curiosity and thirst for knowledge would overpower her need to obey.
So something’s wrong, because the sun is about to set on the fifth day of silence, and I swear I just feltherfear spurt throughmyveins.
I sprint back toward the Wall before the others can stop me, but this time, I shift as I go. My pounding footsteps morph into thundering paws. My panting shatters into snarling as the branches of the forest whip past me. My speed increases as the shape of me lengthens, honing my momentum so that when the Wall comes into view between branches, I don’t stop.
I launch myself at the one thing that has kept me from my future, my birthright, for my entire life.
Maybe this time, my rage will give me enough fuel to triumph over it.
