Page 42 of Xantera
She needs to want this Wall to come down as much as I do.
For the first few days after I told Saskia about the Guardians, my body was much calmer. I caught up on sleep and rested my vocal cords to give her the space she needs. But one day turned to three, which turned to six. Slowly. So damn slowly.
I swear, this woman drags every emotion out of me like threads that she has looped around her pinky. I haven’t had to deal with anything besides rage since my father died.
But I’m sure she’s more than overwhelmed with her own.
All I can do is distract myself until she comes to a decision. “How was the hunt?”
“Felt good to run, even in human form,” Viv sighs. “I caught a rabbit, still feel bad about it, and Soren and Ashe stayed behind to go after an elk that crossed our path. We lost the others, but I’m sure they’ll be back soon.”
Merrick smiles down at her. Despite her spitfire personality, Viv barely reaches his chest in her human form, so she looks like a doll sitting next to him at the long dining room table.
The second she starts scrunching her nose at him, playfully stealing a fried potato off his plate, I let my eyes wander out the window to my right—where the last remnants of Veradel have been crumbling away for centuries.
The abandoned houses across the street are cast in the shadow of mine, the same as they are every afternoon. Some windows are boarded, others broken and never repaired. We’ve cleaned upthe glass, but the houses that go unused are all rotting from the inside-out. Roofs sag inward, coated in heavy layers of moss. The ones made of wood seem to lean sideways, as if they’re one blood moon away from toppling completely.
They used to give me the creeps when I was young, but my father always told me they motivated him, and now I understand. They aren’t creepy—they’re sad. That used to be someone’s home, someone’s bedroom.
Someone’s life that was—
I jolt in my chair. The wooden legs creak underneath me, threatening to break, as I must have pushed it back at least an inch or two.
Vivian and Merrick look at me with wide eyes that quickly fill with understanding.
“Here we go.” Viv smirks.
I’m already out of my chair and running for the door, halfway transformed—human legs, shirt ripped off, claws out. It happened so fast, I didn’t even register it, because I may be able to feel when Saskia puts on that necklace, but unless I’m fully shifted, I won’t be able to hear her voice.
Behind me I hear Merrick growl out, “Who stole all my food?” and Viv’s fading shriek of laughter as Merrick gathers her in his arms.
And then I’m out the back door, where I don’t stop running until I’m fully formed and blanketed by the woods in all directions.
My uneasiness swells, sticking to my skin like wax, because all I anticipate her saying is that I’m fucking crazy.
That her life is fine the way it is. That she’d rather me stay out of it. Because what else do you say to a voice in your head that’s telling you everything you know is a lie?
And then she surprises the shit out of me.
Ibelieve you.
It’s the first thing I tell Lucan when I make it back to my housing unit, dig through my drawers, and throw the necklace over my throat.
But, I press, because I can feel his shock flare through our connection, and I know he’s bound to have some self-satisfied remark up his sleeve,I only believe that the Guardians are bad. I don’t necessarily believe that you’re good.
Never said I was, Lucan replies smoothly.But I’d never pretend to be good, either.
Great.Then I don’t feel bad about taking you with me. Not that they could actually hurt you if they catch me with the necklace, right? Or could they?For a moment, I pause to wonder what would happen if the vial against my chest was shattered—destroyed.Our connection would obviously cease to exist, but would something happen to Lucan, too? Would it hurt him? I never got around to asking him how the necklace actually works. But now is not the time.
Now, there might never be time.
Lucan seems to be tracking each of my thoughts with increasing uneasiness as I continue digging through my drawers.What do you meanifthey catch you?he begins slowly.What are you doing, Saskia?
I fish out one of the other forbidden objects, bringing it up to my face until I’m staring through the hole in the center of the silver, tarnished bow.I’m going to the Blood Moon Palace to see if this key of Diggory’s lets me in.
More shock ripples into my veins, nearly halting me in my tracks.What? Are you insane?A low rumble emanates from his throat.I might not live within those Walls, but even I know you can’t just walk right up to the palace in the middle of the night.
Oh, I’m not waiting for nighttime. I’m going right now.
