Page 47 of Xantera
“I’m sure the Monster would be happy. It seems to be quiet tonight, huh?”
Sentries. My earlier gasp must have echoed through the alleyways and alerted the ones patrolling the main road to my presence.I wish there was a word to describe how utterly furious I am with myself for the slip-up. Maybe Lucan was right, and I shouldn’t have let myself become so distracted.
But self-loathing won’t help me now as their footsteps clack closer. If I run the other way, they’ll hear me, but I won’t make it back to my housing unit in time if I try to sneak away quietly. And if I stay here, they’ll round the corner to find me standing next to an open doorway, outside long after curfew.
Go. Lucan’s command sounds like it pains him.Hide.
I don’t waste time trying to deliberate any longer. The voices are too close now. Any second now, they’ll round the corner.
Gathering my cloak around myself, I step into the inky darkness and close the door behind me.
Inever thought I’dregretthat someone besides a Guardian picked up the necklace.
But still, why did it have to be her?
She’s far too precious, dammit. Too good.
Her heart and mind are too pure for this.
Despite the fierceness that brews behind her careful facade, I’ve deconstructed her thoughts that she tries so hard to hide, picking away at the deep recesses of her mind.
And while she’s angry, yes, her passion for life is blinding and completely surprising. How she’s become what she is in spite of being raised in a human farm like cattle, I can’t wrap my head around.
But Ialso can’t let myself be distracted. One woman cannot get in my way, no matter how much I like the sound of her voice filling my head.
This has been my goal, my destiny, from the moment I was born, so I can’t allow fear to hinder me now.
Yet, I’m still afraid—that she’ll be overwhelmed, that she’ll be caught, that she’ll die, that she’ll continue to hate me. The list seems endless.
It certainly doesn’t help that her own panic is tearing through me like knives.
If I could, I’d dig under the Wall to get to her right now. But I’ve tried countless times before. The Wall only seems to sink deeper and deeper into the soil, like it has no bottom, like it sprouts more roots every decade and keeps burrowing further into the ground. If I hadn’t known what it was likebefore, I’d have convinced myself by now that it grows from the very core of the earth itself.
Sitting down and looking up at the moon, I push my feelings down and focus on my one task in front of me—the Wall stretching out to my left and right.Nota woman.
Because I’m so close, the closest I’ve ever been. And while there’s still so much more to tell her, who knows if she’ll choose to continue on this path after I do.
I’m here with you, I tell her, feeling her breath snag in her throat.She acknowledges my presence without words. Instead, it’s like a fire crackling, the warmth cascading through my body down to the end of my tail.I promise, I’m not going anywhere.
Lucan’s words steady me in the dark.
And it really is a darkness unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I can’t even see my own hands moving when I slip the key back into my pocket, as if the lack of light is a cloak clinging to my own skin. My eyes don’t adjust. There’s nothing to adjustto.
I’m not going anywhere, Lucan repeats, and in this darkness, he might as well be standing right beside me—so I let myself pretend he is.
Okay.I nod as if he can see me.I’m going down.
The sentries’ voices rumble from the other side of the door, but I can’t make out what they’re saying, exactly. I just know that if they happen to have their own key to this secret space, I’d be a fool to stay right here where they could open it and catch me. If I can just make it down the flight of steps…
I brush my foot out in front of me until I feel the edge of the topmost stair. Then, pressing my hands against the walls on either side of me, I take a step down. And another one. And another.
These are some narrow stairs,I try to say nonchalantly, bringing myself down step by step.Whoever had it built should have really hired a better architect.
Of course you’d joke at a time like this,Lucan murmurs, and I can’t tell if he’s angry or impressed.So help me, Saskia, if you fall and break your leg…
Then what?I taunt, eager for more distractions—this place is really creeping me out regardless of what I try to convey to Lucan. My fingers brush against cracks in the wall, the smooth stone turning ragged and rough the further I descend.You’re going to punish me for breaking a leg?
That depends.Lucan’s tone turns thoughtful.Do you enjoy being punished?
