Page 99 of Xantera
I can’t wait to do that—as hard and as often as you want—as soon as I figure out how to fucking save you.
You can’t save me, she says, ignoring the singe that travels up her spine,and I can’t save myself.
My heartbeat slows, my attention honing in on the slight change in her tone.Is she mad at me for being so absent lately? Maybe she needs a more detailed explanation…
I’ve had my head buried in books, reading journal after journal until my eyes burn—
No, Lucan.She cuts me off.The key. It isn’t there. I snuck into the white drawing room, looked under the glass cloche that was sitting right there in the middle of the room, just like you said.
You didwhat?I seethe, my lip pulling back at the picture she’s painting for me. Saskia talking back to a cold-blooded parasite is something I can barely tolerate by itself. Saskia activelyputting herself in dangerby sneaking into enemy territory is going to piss me off for centuries.Were you hurt?I ask, trying not to quiver as an explosion builds within me.
No. She scoffs.And don’t act so surprised. You weren’t here to stop me, and I told you I wasn’t going to stop looking.
It’s so very hard for her to lie to me. The war within her—being good for me versus her bratty little mouth and will—rages like night and day struggling for control, which only deepens my satisfaction, makes me wish I could have her in my bed this very second.
But there’s something new: a terrifying little seed of indifference that’s sprouted roots in her heart and taken hold.
What happened?I ask, dropping my voice carefully.
Like I said—no key in the white drawing room.
My entire world collapses as she confirms what she said before. A year ago, I would have seen it as the end of any hope for rescuing my kingdom. Now it’s like a knife through my chest at the realization that rescuingher…
No. The key has to be somewhere. The vampires wouldn’t just discard it.
Arad was probably lying to you about where it was this whole time,Saskia whispers.Letting you believe what your father said was true.
At the mention of his name, her memories bloom like weeds.
I hear the rip of her dress like I was standing right next to her, feel the fear crawling over my own skin.
The fuckingmonster.
Inhaling through my nose to try to keep my emotions from bursting through my ribcage, I clench my canines together so hard, I slice through my own bottom lip, and the copper taste of my blood fills my mouth.
I’m trying to find a way to get you out of there. To stop you from turning to stone. To set you free of this damn cage. And I’m doing everything in my power I can possibly think of as quickly as I can do it. If you can’t promise me you’ll be good, then promise me, Saskia, the first chance you see to escape, you take it. Without hesitation. No questions asked.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
Her doubt and indifference, though, still leak from her like thick sap, sticky and hard to remove, because she doesn’t believe she’ll ever find an escape.
And what did you find?she asks with an edge in her voice.
My anger at myself swells again suddenly. What am I supposed to say? I found out some Guardian was fucking a human? Of course, this isn’t news. Apparently, they do it all the time. And it means absolutely nothing. It has no bearing on our current situation that the Thirteenth Guardian was likely killed by his own kind as soon as they found out he was conversing with my father. They still won.
I swallow down my dread and tell her,I’m still looking.
Her inner laugh comes out forced. She doesn’t have to tell me she told me so.
But vampires aren’t all bad, I decide to add. Maybe that’ll give her some kind of hope again.The Thirteenth in particular,he wanted to help my father. He wanted more for humans. He even loved one.
Shock oscillates through her. Yes. Maybe it’ll jumpstart something in her again, give her enough oxygen to stoke that fire she’s back to suppressing.
But Saskia quickly shutters it.
Look how that turned out, she says, her voice sarcastically saccharine.There’s still the Wall. We’re still bred to be slaughtered. And the Thirteenth Guardian is still dead.
Okay then. I may need to find something with a tiny bit more shock value to bring her back to me.
