Page 34 of Xantera
Next, I pull out the mirror.
The handle is warm from being buried in my cloak and pressed against my body for more than an hour.
I can’t bring myself to turn it over yet and lay eyes on that silvery surface again. But the gold back and handle are beautiful. Its intricate etchings swirl in a pattern of flowers and vines inside the oval shape.
I place it face down on the top of the dresser before rummaging in my pocket again.
My fingertips could find the necklace on their own, because the electricity is like a beacon that I can feel even before I wrap my hand around the chain and hold it up in front of my face.
It doesn’t scare me anymore. Instead, I feel an anticipation more akin to excitement. The satisfaction you get when you learn something, master it. Because your curiosity drove you to grow.
Hurriedly, I remove my cloak, and as soon as the pendent slithers down my sternum and rests above my heart, I feel the connection alight.
Lucan.I finally allow myself to taste his name for the first time.
When he doesn’t answer at first, my first thought flickers nervously, but I take a steadying breath and repeat myself with conviction.
I found a mirror, Lucan.
He might be the Monster—and also an asshole—but he also has a name. A personality. A heartbeat of his own.
And that heartbeat crashes into me like a waterfall as his presence suddenly latches onto mine.
Lucan, I say again, finding myself enjoying the sound of his name… if only because it seems to shock the asshole right out of him. I can feel his surprise as if it’s my own.
I thought…That gravelly voice of his trails off as if he’s out of breath. And then I hear the panting.
What’s wrong?I ask, panic momentarily creeping back in.Do Monsters get asthma, or something?Merely a week ago, I would have been overjoyed to hear that the thing that howls beyond the Wall has some sort of medical issue, but now that thought fills me with a sudden urge to protect. To heal.
No, I don’t have fucking asthma,Lucan gets out between heavy breaths.Just give me a second.
My thrill doesn’t want to subside, doesn’t want to be contained, because as soon as I’m sure his breathing has steadied, I burst out with,Did you hear me, though?
His chuckle vibrates against my chest at last.And here I was thinking you were dead.
Dead?
You know, the thing that happens when you’re no longer alive.
I wish I could glare at him.I know what dead means.
What was wrong?he questions, ignoring me.
You could tell something was wrong?
Saskia.He says my name as if he’s practiced it a hundred times since the moment we last talked.Whatwas wrong?
I sit back on the edge of my bed and lift my eyes to the Wall looming in the distance outside my window. Giddiness bounces through me in a way I haven’t felt since I was a child.I mean, therewassomething wrong. A sentry came to question me about a tiny little thing, but I lied.The laugh in my head feels weird. No sound escapes my mouth, but humor bubbles in my mind. Apparently, lying makes me laugh now.And then the sentry got greedy, like the Rules don’t apply to her. She couldn’t just leave. She had to make sure we knew we weren’t in control. But Malcolm and I chose to havefun.
What kind of fun?Lucan asks hesitantly.
We went into our joint bedroom—not like that,I say quickly. For some reason, this new euphoric sense of freedom is making me feel like I can spill at least some of my secrets. It’s not like the Monster can tell the Guardians that I’m deliberately disobeying them. I almost snort at the thought.Malcolm and I decided that we’re not the right partners for each other, so we just pretended to… you know.I hurry on before the blush on my cheeks can leach into our connection.But I felt like a kid again—because I couldn’t tell you the last time I chose to pretend.
Lucan sighs, and for some reason, I feel like he slumped down in relief.Chose, he repeats, finally catching his breath.I like that word.
Me too.I smile to myself as my eyes cut to the mirror laying face down. The golden metal catches a bit of moonlight and casts reflections across the room.And I went to Diggory’s housing unit. I found all his secrets.
What?
