Page 82 of Xantera
The Chosen Ones are chosen because they’re rebels the Guardians want under control, but Saskia wasn’t a rebel before me.Iplanted these little seeds of doubt in her mind.Istoked those thoughts she tried to suppress. And she never would’ve strayed from the unknown rigidity of her day-to-day life if she hadn’t met me. She never would have been Chosen.
She could have been content for the rest of her natural life. She could’ve died of old age—happily, without me, because I didn’t go fucking up her life.
I am a poison to her just as much as that vampire venom. And yet here I am, leeching onto her as if my fucking life depends on her existence, listening to her descend all those staircases with quick little breaths that steal mine from my lungs.
If Saskia notices my withdrawal, she doesn’t say anything—directly—until she’s safely tucked away back in her bedroom.
Lucan, are you there? What’s wrong?She slams the door behind her and paces around the perimeter of her room, waiting for my response. When I don’t reply right away, her internal thoughts branch out to me, too.Did I do something wrong?An empty chill scrapes through her. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared the necklace…
No. I cut through her thoughts.You didn’t do anything wrong.
There you are.Her foreboding bursts into a laugh, the sound twisting knives into my ribcage.I was beginning to think you’d fallen asleep or something.
How could I, whenshe’smy dream?
But I don’t say that, instead chewing on the words I have to get out—the honesty she deserves. A part of me wants to throw out insults, make her believe I’m truly a monster once again so that she pushes me away, stops defying them, plays it safe.
But if being alive for a few hundred years has taught me anything, it’s that lying will only make everything so much worse.
So instead, I dredge up my most harsh, commanding tone, the one that makes the others bend their necks on the rare occasions I use it.
Promise me something, Saskia.
What’swrong? she asks again, stressing her words.
I need to shift into my human form for a while. And I need you to be good.Her thoughts bristle, but I plunge on before she can protest.No acts of rebellion, no smart mouth. Don’t give that bastard a reason to drink more from you or to kill you.
My father and grandfather both kept journals during the war, ones I haven’t touched in decades. I’ve already flicked through them, but maybe I missed something. Maybe, somewhere between the pages, there’s information about the nature of vampire venom and how to reverse the effects or slow the fossilization process.
It’s the only thing I can think to do to be of any use, but I can’t exactly flip through centuries-old journals while I’m the Monster.
Oh,Saskia says as she processes what I’m saying.Oh. You’re leaving me?
My chest cracks wide open.Never, baby. I’m always right on the other side of the Wall. But we won’t be able to communicate as much while I’m in my human form, and I… I wanted you to be prepared before I went silent on you.
So much for using my commanding tone. My voice has dissolved into a soft, whimpering mess.
Promise me you’ll be good, I beg when she doesn’t say anything, her internal thoughts dropping into a glacial stillness, like the water under the surface of a frozen pond.
Even to my own ears, my words sound a lot like goodbye. The nightmare was never her—it was a worldwithouther. And I’ll go back to living in that world if it means I can keep her safe. But I need her word that she won’t keep playing with fire while I’m away. What if the Third Guardian finds her sneaking around and poking into information she shouldn’t and decides to drain her dry? Or what if another Guardian stumbles across her and takes more blood than her body can handle?
Still, she says nothing, and I clear my throat.I need to hear you say it, Saskia. That you promise me.
Finally, she clears her throat right back.Well, I don’t.
Excuse me?
I don’t promise you, Lucan. I won’t. You can go on and shift into a human all you like, but I’m going to keep looking for my mother and Diggory and that key in the meantime.
Saskia…A warning growl rises in my tone now.
You can make me behave when we meet face-to-face,she taunts.Until then, I won’t promise anything.
My blood heats. A snarl rips from my chest, shooting through our connection.You’re going to regret saying that one day, little nightmare.
Am I?I can practically feel her stubbornness pushing back at me, a radiant aura I wish I could catch and cradle forever.Prove it.
Fine, then. I’ll just have to work fast. And if she won’t give me a promise, then I’ll give her one.
