Page 68 of Black Wing and Shadows
“Oof, are you jealous?” I quipped back to her. Zane stared at me with this sense of amusement.
“No, not really, merely stating the obvious.”
“Hmmm… Well, he is very, very divine to fuck and to be fucked by. Gods, the way his magical divinnnnee tongue works—”
Zane choked and spat his drink across the table, and Lili’s eyes went wide. I started laughing because water was now all over the table, and several people turned to look at us.
“Point taken…” she murmured. He smiled at me while wiping his mess up.
“I simply wasn't expecting all of that… I can show you tonight precisely how—how did you say that—oh yeah, how that divine tongue works, tonight.”
“Simmer down, love. You won’t be able to stand up without showing the world just how divine you are.”I shot him a big smile.
“Any who, it’s not like you aren’t getting laid?” I said.
Her cheeks flushed. “I was just giving you shit, and yes, I am in a situationship with someone.”
“Oh, is that what that is?” I gave her a wink.
“Yes, dating in this place is hard.”
“That it is.”
“Hey! We are easy,” Zane finally added to the conversation. Lili looked at him like she had almost forgotten he was at the table, like he hadn’t just spat water at us.
“That we are.” I gave him a wink, and he reached over and kissed my forehead.
“You guys make me sick.”
I chuckled lightly, though it felt somewhat heavier inside. That was something she used to say to Alex and me. I didn’t miss him—well, I did, but only as a friend. I realized long before Zane that Alex and I were toxic for each other romantically. I wasn’t sure how we could move beyond this. Alex had always been my anchor when we were younger. When my mom died, he comforted me through my tears and panic. We hurt each other in ways I didn’t think we could truly mend.
“I am going to go play bean bag toss. Would you like to join?” Zane asked me before standing up.
“I am good, I’ll sit and catch up with Lili.” He placed a kiss on the top of my head before walking off across the field to join some other Drusearons.
“Soooo, how are you really?” she asked me, in that knowing tone.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah… that’s what I thought. Not so great.”
“I am fine. Or I will be—”
“Famous words from the Savage.”
I let out a little laugh as she said that little nickname she had for me, reminding me that I was a savage and strong.
I knew there would be death, and I knew teammates would die, but when it happened, it didn’t mean it wasn’t hard.
“To die in training is to graduate into legend.” She recited a traditional Rider’s saying, reminding me that each cadet was still honored.
“Honestly, death isn’t the heaviest thing on my mind. It’s the letters I found from my mom. They were confusing and left me with so many questions that keep circling in my brain, never shutting the fuck up.”
“You have always struggled with shutting your mind down. Are you practicing your breathing and other coping skills?”
“Yes, always. A lot is going on, making everything I am learning harder to practice. I will be fine, I promise.”
“Yeah, you have always said that, and somehow you end up doing reckless shit.”
