Page 88 of The Heart Shot
Jameson shook his head. “I can’t hear you through the glass, Elsie.”
“Oh. Right.” My cheeks blazed. Only I would try to confess all my feelings through a closed car window.
Bravery was in limited supply, so instead of getting out, I rolled down my window.
“Why are you here, Elsie?” he repeated, his voice barely more than a whisper. His shoulders were stiff, and the same pain in my chest was reflected in his eyes.
“I…” The words were stuck in my throat. How hard was it to say I was sorry? That I had feelings for him…that I had fallen for him, too? I tried to speak but the only thing that came out was a choking sound.
After another moment of struggling to apologize, Jameson sighed and opened my door. “Come on, let’s go inside out of the rain.”
I barely noticed the brisk autumn wind cutting beneath my jacket or the rain clinging to my face as I stepped out and followed him to his door. The woodsy leather scent crashed over me once we were inside, simultaneously comforting me and making me want to cry.
Jameson stopped in the middle of his living room, not bothering to shed his jacket. His hands flexed at his sides as if he were fighting the urge to touch me and waited for me to speak with way more patience than I deserved.
“I wanted to talk to you,” I said quietly, fixing my eyes on the rug beneath my feet.
Jameson headed toward the couch, running a hand through his hair. “Did you do your thinking?” he asked. I expected to hear derision in his voice, perhaps how Ben would have spoken to me in such a scenario, but there wasn’t any emotion at all. He took a seat on the leather cushions, then patted the seat next to him.
With a nod, I shuffled over to him, settling onto the very edge.
“I…” Why was this so hard?
Because he could reject you and crush your heart.
Jameson put a hand on my knee, sending a million bolts of lightning through my veins. “Elsie?”
You can do this. Jameson is worth it.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
He removed his hand, taking my heart with it.
No, come back!Smitten Elsie cried.
His gaze went to his hands in his lap, giving me space and time to formulate my words.
I took a steadying breath. “I shouldn’t have walked out on you the other night. Ever since my parents…I couldn’t stomach the thought of having the same thing happen to me—of falling in love with someone only to find they weren’t who I thought, and then watching it all crash and burn. Their relationship taught me if that was real love, I didn’t want any part of it. It’s not worth the pain just to have a few moments of happiness.”
Tears filled my eyes, and he finally looked at me. “After you left the night we fell asleep on my couch, Ben paid me a visit. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and kicked him out, but not before his cruel words were able to get inside my head.”
I let out a long breath. “I let my fear ruin everything. I don’t want to end up hurt and I don’t want to hurt you. The only way I could see to avoid it was to end things before they went further. But I took awayyourchoice in the process. Didn’t I?”
When I mentioned that Ben had come to my house, anger twisted his face, but then it was quickly replaced with a blank expression. I couldn’t tell if my words were having any effect on him. I couldn’t stand the emotionless look on his face, so I looked down, wringing my hands in my lap as a tear slid off my cheek and hit my wrist.
I took a deep breath before whispering, “I’m falling for you, Jameson, and that terrifies me.”
For a long moment, Jameson was still, unmoving next to me. My heart stuttered in my chest, thinking maybe he wasn’t responding because he no longer wanted me. But then a warm thumb brushed the next tear away.
His touch spurred me to keep talking. “But I know I have a lot of baggage and I understand if—”
“We all have baggage, Elsie. I’m not afraid of yours. Only a coward would be.”
Could he really mean that? Ben hadn’t been interested in helping me deal with any of it. He was more content to sit on his phone, only paying attention to me if I did something that embarrassed him. He would have let my heart rot away in grief, insecurity, and fear rather than helping me face it all.
But Jameson wasn’t Ben. Not once had he made me feel less than, small, or like my fears weren’t valid. He helped me through my fears rather than making me hide them away from the light of day. Ben neversawme. But Jameson had—from the very first moment we met.Maybe I just hadn’t seenhim.
“Elsie…” His voice was so heart wrenchingly soft that I was certain he was about to tell me to leave. His thumb skimmed across my face, and he scooted closer. “Elsie, I can’t promise that we’ll never hurt each other because we’re human and that’s what we do…but Icanpromise that, despite any future hurt, I will never give up on us. When I told you I wanted you, I meant it. I know you haven’t had the greatest examples of what a relationship is supposed to look like, but if you’re willing to try, I’d like to figure it out together. I…”
