Page 79 of Witchlore
I hover the knife over my arm and, for a second, think about what Counselor Cooper said. She told me not to be afraid of moving on. For a second, I wonder if that’s what I’m doing here. Am I so afraid of moving on that I’d rather risk my life for the chance of going back in time?Yes,I think. Absurdly, I hear Bastian’s voice in my head:You deserve to be free from this, Lando.This is how I get free. So I cut my arms. The pain isn’t as bad as last time, and as I watch the blood trickle down my wrists I think wearily,Here we go again.
“There are three positions you need to echo for me to get it started while I chant; you’ll know it’s beginning when you feel it. Then you just need to concentrate on staying alive,” she says.
“What are the positions?”
“The Web of Wyrd, Woden’s Power, and the Touch of Persephone. Echo me, okay? Eyes on me.”
I nod and lift my hands into the preparatory triangle as Kira does the same. She moves her fingers into the netted position and I copy, the blood from my arms dripping to the floor. Kira chants as we move to the thumbs upraised for the Woden’s Power, and her ring glows red, filling the cave with a deep, disconcerting light. Fire without heat dances along the lines of the pentagramand the shadows leap on the walls and suddenly, all around me, I see alchemical symbols scratched into the ancient stone. I feel a nasty wave of dread.
We move to the Touch of Persephone, a cage-like grip of the right hand on the left wrist, and that’s when it starts. It’s sort of how it felt when Bastian borrowed some of my magic, but it’s more intense. A ripping, wrenching feeling; the core of me is being dragged out through the blood in my arms, the drips of it hissing on the dirt when they land.I can do this,I repeat inside my head,I can do this for Elizabeth.I try to focus on her, remembering her hair and her voice and the way she smiled, but suddenly I think of Bastian, wounded terribly but still caring enough to ask if my last shift took too much energy. There’s a wave of sadness inside me, so overwhelming and deep that it threatens to haul me under. I’m tired now, more tired than after my shift. The magic is pulling more blood out of me than I can bear and I sway, feeling like I might faint. I look dizzily down at the pile of Elizabeth’s earth, willing it to blow or rise,anything,but nothing is happening.
“It’s not working.”
I’m a bit frightened when my own voice seems very far away, but I can’t find my way back. The world is tilting away from me, or I am falling out of it, I’m not sure which.
“I don’t know why, I’ve never done this before—” Kira’s voice is panicked. “You’re bleeding too much, I should stop—”
“No, don’t stop!” I moan, dropping down to my knees. The earth is weirdly hot underneath me, but we must keep going. I remember what Bastian said about Shasta’s death, about needing it all to have a point. If we stop, I’ll be dying for nothing. “Keep going!”
“I have to stop!”
I know in my bones that if she stops, I’ll drift out of my bodythe same way my blood is running down my arms. I’ll drop into the earth and descend underneath it and there will be nothing left of me.
I want to tell her again to keep going but my voice is gone completely now. Everything is dark and I can’t see Kira or the flames or the cave anymore.Maybe this is it,I think dizzily.Maybe I’m finally dying.I’m struck and amazed by how unhappy the thought makes me. It’s not Elizabeth’s face that’s in my mind right now. It’s the smell of eucalyptus balm and coconut shampoo, it’s the feeling of a scarred collarbone under my fingers.Bastian.
Now, I might never see him again.
“No, keep going! It’ll be worse if you stop!” Suddenly, there’s another voice, this one even farther away, but richer, firmer, and full of conviction. “I’ll help you!”
The second voice joins the chanting, fibrous and strong, and through the ringing in my ears, I recognize it. Through a veil of cloud over my eyes I see a blue light joining in with the red and, suddenly, the air around me is vibrant and purple, and I can see it and feel it again and I can smell bonfires, the strength of Bastian’s magic, roaring all around me. There’s breath in my lungs and I begin to feel the cuts on my skin sealing. The grasping, heavy feeling inside my body, pulling me down to the rocks beneath me, finally stops, and gratefully, I feel myself slumping forward. Warm, steady arms catch me.
“It’s finished, you’re okay, you’re okay—” Bastian says. His scent engulfs me, slightly sweaty but still herbal and faintly antiseptic. I blearily look up into his face, illuminated strangely by the purple fire still flickering all around us in the pentagram, barely trusting myself to believe he is really here.He came back for me,I think.
“You,” I croak.
“Me.” Bastian gives me a tremulous, tentative smile. “You, too.”
“I’m alive.”
“You are.” Bastian’s voice sounds so breathless with relief that I let myself lean on him as I stare blearily around me. Kira is sitting in front of the book, twisting her glowing ring nervously. There’s no one else in the cave. It’s a crushing moment and I slump a little farther against Bastian.
“It didn’t work,” I whimper in exhaustion. I don’t think I have it in me to do it again. “Elizabeth isn’t here.”
“The spell isn’t complete, Orlando,” Kira says quietly. She pushesThe Witchlore of Bodiestoward me. “You have to close the book and seal it.”
My hands are sluggish. I’m so tired. Despite everything, I find myself looking up at Bastian’s face. His arm is tight around my shoulder and he looks down at me, his eyes glowing weirdly violet in the strange light. I am so glad that I get to see him again, that the earth didn’t swallow me whole before I said all I needed to say. Bastian smiles at me tightly, as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“Here.” He makes the shape of the Eye of Horus over one of my cut arms with his ring hand. “Time to return the favor.”
I swallow dryly, my tongue and mouth heavy, but I manage to raise a trembling two fingers to blind his hand movement. The effect is immediate. His ring glows, I smell fire, but more than that, Ifeelit. It’s soaking up through my fingers, the strength of Bastian’s magic. It’s like warm water, making me imagine the ocean near my parents’ house after the brightest day, crystal clear and shimmering. Then there’s the taste of it inside me, smoky and vibrant, and I gasp, energy sweeping through me that I didn’t have before,and I wonder if this is the most intimate experience I’ve ever had, to have this precious, impossible thing shared with me. I stare at Bastian as he pulls his hand away and see his knowing smile.Why didn’t you tell me?I think desperately.Why didn’t you tell me this was how you felt about me?
“Are you… sharing magic?” Kira’s eyes are wide as she stares at my hands, glowing with Bastian’s blue magic, Bastian’s strength inside them. Her shock and perhaps revulsion makes me want to pull back, but Bastian doesn’t let me. He holds on. He’s not ashamed of me, I realize. He doesn’t have any regrets or fears and, suddenly, neither do I.
“It’s okay.” Bastian brushes a piece of bloody, sweaty hair away from my face and then kisses the top of my head. The light pressure of his lips peals with the song of his magic inside me, swelling to power, encouraging me to go just this little bit further. “I’m with you.”
It is exactly what I need to hear. With trembling, hesitant fingers, I close the book and press the triangle of my hands against its cover. My hands begin to glow. I should have expected it, I realize, as the shift rolls through me, utterly unstoppable. Immediately, memories swallow me and I remember everything.
I remember myself.
