Page 68 of Witchlore
“You just… keep going. It seems weird but, like, I had to get used to the world changing and not hating it for doing that. Reading helped, studying, having a purpose, moving up here and meeting you, it all made a difference, and then I realized I was moving on and it was okay. I wasn’t watching the world change without him anymore; I was part of it changing. At first I was a bit angry with myself, like I was betraying him…” Bastian’s voice breaks and we wait, holding one another in the darkness and silence until he finds the words again. “Then I realized… that’s exactly what Shasta would have wanted. That it wasn’t about me moving onfromhim, like forgetting him, but moving ontosomething. He’d want me to keep going, keep… living.”
“He’d be so proud of you,” I say firmly. “I didn’t know him, but I’m sure he’d be proud.”
“Thanks.” Bastian presses his face into my curls, breathing deeply. “I don’t know exactly how it happened but one day I realized I was looking forward instead of looking back, and I realized I wanted to keep looking forward. A new future.” He swallows and I feel his Adam’s apple move as he squeezes me close. “With new people.”
“Yeah.” I flush coyly, despite everything we’ve done tonight. “I think… that’s what I want, too.”
I want to do what Bastian’s done, to transform myself and create a new future. If he can do it, maybe I can, too?
“That’s why we need to do the ritual. Then you won’t have it hanging over you. No one will blame you anymore. You’ll be free, and you deserve to be free, Lando. Because you’re so amazing. You make me feel…” Bastian’s voice becomes thick with emotion. He’s holding me too tight; I’m worried that I’m hurting the wounds on his stomach where I’m pressed against him, but he doesn’t seem to care. “You know me. You see me, like no one else does.”
I think about what the shifter wrote about the woman they loved.I feel seen.
“You, too.” I kiss him on the lips and think to myself that it doesn’t matter if I bring back Elizabeth. I want to be with Bastian. When I bring back Elizabeth I’ll have undone the worst thing I’ve ever done, robbing an innocent person of the rest of her life. She’ll get to live, and that’s all that matters. She doesn’t have to live with me. Our futures can be whatever we want them to be; the important thing is that we’ll have them. All of our choices, all of our lives, spread out before us. Bastian found his way through his grief and I can find my way through, too. “We’ll do the rest of the spell on Samhain.”
“Okay,” Bastian says sleepily. I settle back down against him with a sigh. Everything will be okay, I realize, as long as I’m with him.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
Over the rest of the week, I basically move into Bastian’s flat. He’s still serving his two weeks’ suspension, so whenever I’m not in college I’m in Spinningfields, eating Bastian’s amazing home-cooked meals (some so accidentally spicy I cry and Bastian has to kiss me to make it better), and watching TV on the big sofa with René cuddling happily between us. I get used to sleeping in Bastian’s bed and waking in his arms. Beryl is absolutely overjoyed by the development, but I think that’s just because my new form is female and she likes the idea of me having a boyfriend.
I make liberal use of Bastian’s wardrobe, and when I need to go to college on Friday, I leave the flat dressed in a pair of his old jogging bottoms and one of his vintage band T-shirts he says looks “sexy as hell” on me. I walk up through the city in the sunshine, the air smelling like soot and crisp leaves. The world is bright and sharp and lovely, as wintery and fresh as an apple, and all I think about is the fact that Bastian has given me firm instructions to come back to the flat as soon as my class finishes because:
“I can’t go more than four hours without kissing you now. It’s the new rule.”
“The new rule for what?” I grinned up at him as I stepped into the lift.
“Our companionship.” He winked at me. “Don’t tell me you never got gay vibes off Frodo and Sam.”
“I do love a queer reading.”
Now, as I’m walking into the common space as light as a cloud, all I can think about is how his lips are a little bit chapped and, actually, it’s really sexy. Especially when he kisses me in very soft places. I’m so full of happy butterflies, I don’t even notice that I’ve flopped into one of the nice seats by the big windows. I pull out my headphones and am cheerfully lining up my next Stephen King audiobook when my phone buzzes with a message from BBB. I open it and laugh. It’s a photo of René and Bastian on the sofa doing matching puppy-dog eyes.We miss you.I’m about to message him back when someone kicks my boots. I glare up at Carl Lord.
“Where’s your boyfriend, shifter? Oh, that’s right, suspended.” Carl doesn’t look so good. Unlike Bastian, he clearly doesn’t have a good recipe for bruise paste, and the mark of Bastian’s fist has bloomed dark purple and livid green across his nose and is taking its time to heal. I’m weirdly proud of Bastian for it.
“Yeah, because of you,” I mutter. Carl grins nastily and sits down on the arm of my leather chair.
“Because he’s asucker,” Carl says emphatically. “Anyone would have to be to be with you, right?”
I’m sure he thinks this is hilarious wordplay.
“Oh, piss off.” I stand up to get away from him. I’m a little surprised when Carl stands up, too, crowding into my space. After all, I’m in a female form and he’s not stupid enough to think thathis popularity will protect him from the consequences if he hits someone who looks like a girl.
“Say it again, shifter.” His voice is low, threatening, just like it always used to be when he would corner me, telling me I was fit and he wanted me. I’m not the same person I was then. I’ve talked down a boggart and survived a drowning and thwarted a hellhound; I’ve lost someone I loved and found someone new who gives me hope. Carl Lord doesn’t get to treat me like I’m nothing. When he sees I’m not backing down, he scowls. Suddenly his ring glows pink and he moves his fingers quickly, producing a sharp blow of heat, a warming spell misdirected again, just like the one he shot at Bastian in their fight. I flinch a little but I don’t turn and run; I plant my feet wide. Even if I don’t have any magic I can use like he does, I can use my words.
“You think your little ring is going to scare me?” I sneer. The air smells sickly sweet with his magic and his hands are trembling just to hold this small spell. He’s always thought he’s much more powerful than he is. Having seen Bastian in action, I’m no longer afraid. “I said, piss off!”
Around the room, a hush descends.
“You want to go, shifter? You’re finally going to use some of that magic you’re pushing into changing your boobs every two days?” He looks around, expecting a laugh. It doesn’t come. Maybe people are more scared of me after he and Bastian had their fight, but they’re looking at me as if they’re expecting me to do something astonishing. It’s the first time I’ve thought that people’s prejudice might be helpful.
“Right, because you want to pick a fight with the one person who can’t do witchcraft, right? That’s what you like, isn’t it, Carl?To pick on someone vulnerable?” Carl’s eyes twitch and it’s that, the signal that actually he’s nervous about me speaking up, that gives me the courage to go on. “That’s what you were thinking when you tried to hump me every second of the bloody day in first year, wasn’t it?”
“You wish, shifter, like I’d ever look at you!” Carl spits. Another wave of pink magic comes off his ring as he moves his fingers in the same blunt movement, but even though the heat stings, I don’t grimace. I won’t back down, not now.
“You did look at me, you always look at me, you never stop looking at me.” I fold my arms across my chest. “If you don’t care about me then why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?”
“Because—” Carl splutters, his eyes darting to his friends, who are watching impassively, all their rings quiet, letting it happen. Maybe they’ve seen this coming for a while. Maybe they’ve secretly hoped for it. He looks desperately around the silent room, but no one stands up for him, just like no one stood up for me. “Because—”
