Page 157 of The Goat in the Bedroom
We were both laughing now, there on our beach, in our city, living our ridiculous, perfect life.
In the distance, I could hear the baby goats calling for their parents. Tomorrow, we'd have to figure out how to goat-proof the house even more. We'd have to build a bigger pen. We'd have to explain to the neighbors about the noise.
But tonight?
Tonight was for gold medals and goat babies and the family we'd chosen and built and loved.
Tonight was for happily ever after.
Vincent Van Goat
“Gather round, kids,”I said to my three offspring, who were currently trying to eat their mother's tail. “It's time you learned about your destiny.”
“Is it about food?” Bleathoven asked hopefully.
“Everything's about food with you,” Goatzart said, bouncing impressively high for a kid who'd only been alive for six weeks.
“Both of you, hush,” Stevie Kicks commanded, already the boss of her siblings. “Papa is talking.”
Holly nuzzled closer to me. “Tell them about Burrito Petito, dear. That's where it all really started.”
“Ah yes,” I said, settling into my storytelling stance. “The Great Meeting of the Pets. Flynn and Tempest brought their donkey?—“
“A DONKEY?” all three kids shrieked in unison.
“Shh, you'll wake the humans,” Holly warned. “They just got back from something called 'date night.'”
“Anyway,” I continued, “Burrito Petito is a very small donkey with very large opinions. You'll meet him when he gets back from spending the summer with AbuelaNovela in Oaxaca. He told us about the Kingman Pet Patrol.”
“The what now?” Goatzart asked, mid-bounce.
“It's a sacred organization,” Holly explained. “Started by Luke Skycocker himself.”
“Who's Luke Skycocker?” Stevie asked through a mouthful of hay.
“Only the most magnificent rooster in all of Colorado,” I said reverently. “He belongs to Chris, the eldest Kingman brother. Luke organized all the Kingman pets into a protection unit.”
“There's also Wiener the Pooh, the tactical dachshund,” Holly added. “Lady Bananaconda Hisstledown, the reconnaissance snake. Seven of Nine Lives, the stealth cat. And of course, Bear, who lives with the Father of Kingmans.”
“Dogs just sleep,” Stevie pointed out, probably thinking about the golden retriever snoring in the corner of Mrs. Bender's yard.
“That's what he wants you to think,” I said mysteriously. “He's actually monitoring the perimeter through his dreams.”
The kids looked skeptical.
“The point is,” Holly continued, “Burrito Petito came with an important message. Luke Skycocker has officially designated us as the LA Division of the Kingman Pet Patrol.”
“We get to be in a patrol?” Goatzart bounced even higher.
“What's our mission?” Bleathoven demanded.
I puffed out my chest. “We keep the neighborhood safe for when the Kingmans have human kids.”
“But Artie and Gryff don't have human kids,” Bleathoven tipped his head to the side thinking.
Holly and I exchanged a meaningful look.
“Not yet,” Holly said. “Which brings us to your first mission.”
