Page 6 of The Goat in the Bedroom
He also didn't know what the fuck he wanted, except for me. So this was me finding some joy in an unexpected place.
Even if I was better at being the chaos than embracing it.
HUMMERS UNDER THE HEMINGWAY
ARTEMIS
My body and brain were buzzing with some renewed energy while I walked back to the dorms. Only Gryff would think up something wackadoodle enough to pull me from my self-imposed study psychosis. I really had needed that.
I was ready for my finals. I already knew it. I just wanted to pull off this one last semester with straight As so my mom didn't have to worry that I wouldn't be able to get a job when I headed off to LA to train with my new rugby club and the USA Olympic Elite. Or if I got injured and couldn't play.
Like my dad had.
Before I could even contemplate hitting the books again, Olivia's name lit up the screen like a warning I should have seen coming. I'd been putting off returning her calls for two days, telling myself she was just busy with end-of-semester stuff. But the tight knot in my stomach suggested I already knew what this conversation was going to be about.
“Hey,” I said, dropping onto my bed among the scattered practice tests. “Sorry I missed your calls yesterday. Finals prep has been?—“
“Artie.” The way she said my name cut me off mid-sentence. She sounded both excited and like there was something wrong. Like she'd been rehearsing something she wanted to tell me but knew I wasn't going to like it. “We need to talk.”
And there it was. Four words that had preceded every major upheaval in my life. We need to talk. Dad had said it before telling us he was taking a coaching position in Scotland. Mom had said it before announcing we were moving to Colorado without him. Now Olivia was saying it, and I already knew how this story ended.
“Okay,” I said carefully, settling back against my pillows. “What's going on?”
“I got it.” The squeal in her voice was obviously too hard to contain.
And I already knew what was coming.
“I got the call.” Her voice had that barely contained excitement that people tried to hide when they were delivering bad news disguised as good news. “Rugby Australia wants me for their development program.”
“Olivia, that's incredible.” And it was. She'd been dreaming about playing for Australia since before I'd met her a couple of months ago. I'd fully admit I'd fallen for the accent. Wouldn't be the first time, probably wouldn't be the last. “I knew you'd get it.”
“But...” She trailed off, and I stared up at the ceiling, just breathing through the all too familiar feelings. “I know we talked about maybe spending the summer together, but this opportunity... Artie, this could change everything for me.”
Change everything for her. Not for us. The distinction wasn't lost on me.
“It's an amazing opportunity. You'd be crazy not to head out the second you graduate.” I heard myself saying the words, my voice sounding weirdly calm considering the way my chest wastightening. The ache would go away soon enough. “Australia's lucky to have you.”
The weight settled in my chest, that hollow recognition that even though I wasn't about to be the one doing the leaving for once, I'd be letting go of another relationship. I'd gotten good at this over the years. All those childhood moves had taught me how to read the signs, how to start pulling back before the official goodbye came.
“You mean that? Even though we might end up playing against each other in the Olympics in a couple years?”
“Absolutely.” The words came easily, practiced from years of being the one who had to give the “I'm moving” speech, trying to make things as easy as possible. “I'm so proud of you.”
“God, I was so worried about how to tell you. I've been agonizing over this call for days.”
Days. She'd known for days and hadn't said anything. Had probably already started planning her new life on the other side of the world. Just like I'd learned to do when Dad got a new contract. Start the mental packing before anyone else knew we were leaving.
“Thank you for understanding. I was so afraid you'd be upset.”
Upset. Like that covered the complex mix of emotions currently churning in my chest. This was the part I'd always been good at, being understanding, being supportive, making the transition easier for everyone involved. I'd had plenty of practice.
Saying goodbye was a skill I'd perfected.
“I should probably let you go,” she said. “I'm sure you have studying to do, and I have a million things to figure out before I leave.”
I should have seen this coming. The end of college meant everyone moving on. Maybe that's why I'd been holding back a little with Olivia, even if I did really like her.
My life had always been full of temporary relationships. What was one more?
