Page 65 of The Goat in the Bedroom
“No, I mean, metaphorically. Or actually both.” Why was this so hard? With Gryff, expressing needs felt natural. “I need someone who anticipates my needs.”
He tipped his head to the side, thinking. “Like a psychic?”
“No, like... forget it.”
My phone buzzed again.
GRYFF
How's it going now?
I'm dying. This is awful.
Try the vulnerability thing. Tell him something real.
Like what?
Like how you've been told you're bad in bed.
WHAT? No!
Trust me. Vulnerability is attractive.
I looked at Tyson, who was now scrolling through his phone probably because I'd been on mine. This was going so badly already. Maybe radical honesty would help?
“I've been told I'm bad in bed,” I blurted out.
Tyson nearly choked on his sugar-coffee. “I'm sorry, what?”
“I'm being vulnerable. Sharing something real.” Oh god, why had I listened to Gryff? “Multiple people have said I'm not good at... intimacy.”
“And you're telling me this because...?”
“Vulnerability is attractive?”
He stared at me for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Artemis, you're trying so hard right now. Like, SO hard. It's actually kind of adorable.”
“It is?”
“In a train wreck sort of way.” He was grinning now. “Let me guess, you read some dating advice article? Or wait, did Gryff?—?”
“No. Maybe. Sort of.”
“This is like watching someone follow IKEA instructions for a first date. Step one: order for him. Step two: intense eye contact. Step three: overshare dramatically.”
Despite my mortification, I found myself laughing too. “It's that obvious?”
“Honey, you just announced you're bad in bed as a conversation starter. Yeah, it's obvious.” But his tone was warm, not mean. “Look, you were completely natural at the beach. Funny, confident, yourself. This...” he gestured vaguely, “this is like you're playing a character in a bad rom-com.”
My phone buzzed again.
GRYFF
Maybe you should kiss him. Reset the energy.
Now???
Quick kiss. Shows confidence.
