Page 76 of The Goat in the Bedroom
“What? Nothing. We're just friends.” The line I'd said a billion and two times in the past few years just sort of fell out of my mouth.
“Friends who live together,” Willa added.
“And raise goats together,” Trixie chimed in.
“And stare at each other with cartoon heart eyes,” Penelope finished.
“We don't—“ I started, then stopped. Because we kind of did. “It's complicated.”
“Honey,” Kelsey said gently, “complicated is my middle name. Well, actually it's Noelle, but you get the point. Talk to us.”
I looked around at these women who'd welcomed me into their family without question, who cheered for me at rugby matches and sent care packages during finals week, and something in me broke.
“We kissed,” I admitted. “A lot. Like, a LOT a lot.”
“Finally,” Willa exclaimed.
“For practice,” I added quickly. “He was helping me with... trust exercises. To get better at dating.”
The women exchanged looks that suggested they thought I was insane.
“Practice,” Trixie repeated flatly. “Why does that sound familiar?”
“Yes. To help me be more comfortable with physical intimacy. Because I'm bad at it. Especially with men, but also I guess, in general.”
“And Gryff volunteered to help you practice... physical intimacy?” Kelsey's tone suggested she was trying very hard not to laugh.
“It was my idea. Well, Tempest's idea. But I asked him.”
“And how did these practice sessions go?” Trixie asked but as if she already knew the answer.
My face went hot. “They were... educational.”
“I bet they were,” Willa muttered.
“But now I don't know what to do,” I continued, the words spilling out. “Because the kissing was amazing. Like, earth-shattering, life-changing kissing. But he hasn't said anything about it meaning anything more than practice, and we just pretend it didn't happen, and now I'm supposed to be going on another date Tyson but all I can think about is?—“
“You're in love with Gryff,” Trixie said simply.
“I... maybe? Yes? I don't know.” I buried my face in my hands. “What if I tell him and it ruins everything? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if I lose my best friend because I couldn't keep my feelings in check?”
“Oh, honey,” Kelsey said softly. “Have you seen the way that boy looks at you?”
“Like I'm his friend. His buddy. His roommate who needed help with kissing practice.”
The women exchanged another round of those looks.
“Artemis,” Trixie said firmly, “I've known those boys most of their lives. I've seen them through crushes and girlfriends and boyfriends and everything in between. The way Gryff looks at you? That's not friendship. That's a man completely gone for someone.”
“Then why hasn't he said anything?” I basically begged him to say it was something more after the first kiss, hadn't I? Oh god.
“Because Kingman men are idiots,” Willa said. “Loveable, wonderful, absolutely dense idiots who need things spelled out for them in neon signs.”
“Sometimes literally,” Kelsey added. “I once serenaded Declan from a stadium jumbotron.”
“And I'm not totally sure Hayes realized just how much I was in love with him until I married him,” Willa added.
“The point is,” Trixie said, “sometimes you have to be the one to make the first move. Or the second. Or the seventeenth. I will admit that as someone who didn't realize they were in love with their best friend either.”
