Page 109 of The Goat in the Bedroom
But through it all, I kept thinking about that word. Home.
After dinner,we walked through Edinburgh's old town, the castle lit up on the hill above us. My dad had offered to walk with us, but I'd asked for some time alone with Gryff.
“They made a compelling case,” Gryff said carefully.
I stopped walking. “Are you doing the thing?”
“What thing?”
“The noble self-sacrificing thing where you pretend you want me to leave even though it's killing you.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Maybe.”
“Don't.”
“Artie, this is your dream. Playing in the Olympics?—“
“Is my dream. You're right. But you know what else is my dream?” I turned to face him fully. “You. Us. The life we're building in LA. Vincent and Holly probably destroying our house right now. Sunday dinners with your family. That's my dream too.”
“But your dad?—“
“Will understand. Because he chose love once too. He chose my mom and rugby and a life that took him all over the world.” I took his hands. “I need to tell you something.”
“Okay?”
“Three years is too long.”
His face fell slightly. “To wait for the Olympics?”
“No. Three years is too long to be away from my home.” I squeezed his hands. “And you're my home, Gryff. You've always been my home.”
The look on his face, relief and joy and love all mixed together, made my chest ache in the best way.
“Really?” he asked, voice rough.
“Really. I've moved thirteen times in thirteen years. I know what home feels like, and it's not a place or a country or even blood family. It's you. It's where you are. It's where we are together.”
He kissed me then, right there on the Royal Mile with tourists streaming around us, deep and desperate and full of promise.
“I love you,” he said against my mouth. “I love you so much I can't breathe sometimes.”
“I love you too. And I choose you. I choose us.”
“Your dad?—“
“Will be disappointed but he'll understand. He knows what it's like to choose love.” I pulled back to look at him. “I want the Olympics, but I want them with you in the stands. I want Team USA with you waiting for me after practices. I want our life, our home, our future.”
“Our goats,” he added, and we both laughed.
“Especially our goats.”
When we were once again alonein my hotel, the energy was different. This wasn't Vegas with its tentative exploration or LA with its comfortable familiarity. This was Edinburgh, where I'd chosen him over everything else, where we'd defended each other, where we'd claimed our future.
“Are you sure?” he asked as I pulled him into my room.
“I've never been more sure of anything in my life.”
We took our time. Slow kisses that built like fire, hands relearning familiar territory with new intent. When he pulled my sweater over my head, his hands were shaking slightly.
