Page 133 of The Goat in the Bedroom
“You brought a whole farm,” Bridger said, staring at the trailer.
“It's just two goats and a donkey,” I said.
“That's a farm, sweetheart.”
Vincent immediately escaped again and made friends with the hockey stick reindeer. Holly tried to eat the inflatable Santa. Burrito Petito went straight through the back gate and to the row of herbs like they were snacks planted especially for him. To be fair, Bridger had built a paddock in the backyard when Flynn was trying to win Tempest's heart.
“First Christmas in fifteen years without a game,” Dad announced once we were all inside. “I don't know what to do with myself.”
“We could watch football,” Isak suggested.
“Absolutely not,” came the unanimous response.
“We're doing the present exchange tomorrow night,” Bridger announced. “Traditional chaos, maximum theft allowed.”
“Remember when Everett got the bedazzled jock strap?” Declan asked.
“I still have it,” Everett said proudly. “It's a family heirloom now.”
“That's disturbing,” Jules said.
Gryff and I spent Christmas Eve afternoon with my mom and grandparents. We had a family tradition of a book exchange so we had something to read that evening while waiting for Santa to come. Gryff and I both went home with a copy ofYou are a Badass at Making Money.
The Kingman white elephant exchange was exactly as chaotic as promised. The gifts ranged from ridiculous to ridiculously thoughtful to just plain weird.
Flynn unwrapped a shirt that said “I'm Not The Better Twin But I'm The Prettier One.”
“Who did this?” he demanded.
Everyone pointed at Gryff.
Trixie opened a coffee table book called “Sexy Tractors of the Midwest.”
“This is horrible. I'm keeping it forever.”
Bridger got a set of wind chimes made entirely of tiny football helmets. “These are going right outside my office window.”
Penelope opened her gift to find a onesie that said “My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad Unless Your Dad Is Also A Kingman.”
“Accurate,” she nodded.
I unwrapped my gift to find a throw pillow. But not just any pillow—it was green, embroidered exactly like the lucky pillow, except instead of “In This House We Bleed Green,” it said “In This House We Play Rugby.”
“Who—“ I started, already getting choked up.
“Family gift,” Bridger said. “The grandmothers made it. If you're going to be a Kingman, you need your own pillow. Even if it contains heresy about rugby.”
“Rugby is superior,” I said, hugging the pillow.
“And she's crying,” Gryff announced. “Everyone mark your calendars.”
“Shut up, I'm not crying.”
Gryff swiped softly at my cheek. “You're totally crying.”
But I wasn’t the only one. A moment later, Trixie, Kelsey, Penelope, Willa, and Tempest all got pillows too. We all got the same style that started with the ‘In this House’ phrase. But each was uniquely created for their bearer.
The best gift, though, was Gryff opening a box to find a coffee mug with Vincent Van Goat's face on it wearing a Christmas hat with the words “Goat Daddy” underneath.
