Page 27 of Sweet Boys Love Christmas
I close my eyes, and for a moment, I let myself imagine that this is real and I get to hold her every night.
SEVEN
BERTIE
Bertie
My dorm is too quiet,too empty after spending the day with Luke and his mom. Jocelyn asked me to stay a second night, and while I was tempted, I knew I couldn’t. The last thing I need is to embarrass myself again by begging Luke to fuck me like I did last night.
He might be the only single guy I know who isn’t down for unattached sex.
And… I like that about him.
Even if it frustrates me to no end and has my libido crying out in desperation.
I set the Tupperware container of food Jocelyn sent me home with on the counter and shrug out of my coat. Tossing the garment onto the back of the couch, I head for the bathroom. Showering will not only kill some time this evening, but with any luck, it’ll help me put off the feeling of utter loneliness that’s bound to hit me.
While the water heats, I typically remove by makeup, but since I stayed at Luke’s, I’ve been bare-faced all day. So while Iwait, I pull up a music app and turn on my Bluetooth speaker, then I get undressed and toss my clothes into the hamper I keep in the corner.
I’ve always loved showers, spending way more time in them than I should. Rosie used to get annoyed with my hour-long rituals.
Unfortunately, the long shower does little to distract me from my thoughts about Luke.
He’s got me all tied up in knots, making it feel impossible to stick to my no-dating mantra, because Ilikehim, and the more time I spend with him, the deeper that like goes.
If I’d asked him to stay and hang out tonight, I have no doubt he would have. But after dinner with him and his mother yesterday and spending the entirety of today with them, it felt imperative that I put some separation between us.
Once I’ve pulled on a cozy set of pajamas, I check my messages, finding Merry Christmas texts and others of the sort. I’m hurt, but not surprised, to find nothing from either of my parents.
An afterthought, that’s all I am to them. For years, nothing more than a cute accessory to show off to their rich friends. A way to saylook at us. We’re wealthy and powerful and we procreated to make this super baby offspring. Now that I’m an adult, they clearly don’t need me anymore.
Darkness comes early these days, and while I shouldn’t feel so exhausted after doing nothing but sitting on the couch while Luke and his mom exchanged gifts, then lounging while watching Christmas movies, there’s nothing I want more than to climb into my bed.
It’s safe to say my exhaustion is more emotional than physical.
No one’s life is rainbows and sunshine, I get that, but from what I’ve witnessed, Luke and his mom live a relatively happyone. All my life, I’ve been surrounded by families like mine, but I always knew there had to be better out there, and over the last twenty-four hours or so, the Coveys showed it to me.
My father got my mom a Birkin for Christmas one year, and she tossed it carelessly aside. I think I’ve seen her carry it once in the last decade.
Luke got his mom a cute pair of mittens, and her eyes lit up like he’d given her a rare, valuable artifact.
Why can’t you give him a chance?I plead with myself.
Because I’m scared. Breaking up with Tommy for good was painful, but if things ended with Luke, I’d be devastated.
I’m not sure I’d ever recover. Because Luke would care for me in a way I’ve never been cared for before.
Of course, as if he can sense that I’m thinking about him, a text message comes through.
Luke: Hey. Just wanted to check in and see if you’re okay.
I bite my lip, willing my heart not to leap at his consideration and kindness.
Me: I’m fine. Showered and getting in bed.
An instant later, my phone rings, startling me so badly I nearly drop it. Luke’s name flashes on my screen.
“Hello?” I answer, stomach flipping.
