Page 132 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“I know,” he replies simply, washing his hands.
“Where’s your food?” I ask, looking around.
He points to a glass of green colored liquid. “Protein shake.”
I raise a brow as I sit down. He opens a drawer and passes me a fork. “You made me all this, and you’re not having it?”
“No, I’m on a strict diet for this movie, but you’re not so you might as well have something you can enjoy. Do you want lemon water? Orange juice?”
“Orange juice would be great.”
He fills a glass part way and sets it beside my plate.
“I would drive you to work if I had time, but I’d be cutting it too close to get to set.”
“My car’s here. You don’t need to worry about me.” I take a bite of toast.
“I know, but I…” He leans against the counter beside me and his fingers wrap loosely around his glass. “I’m scared of what happens when you walk out my door.”
“Oh.”
“I feel like we should talk about this, but I’m scared it’ll push you away and I don’t want that. Help me out here, Low. I don’t know what to do.”
I set my fork down. “I’m … I’m very confused right now,” I admit, forcing myself to hold his gaze. “This isn’t me. I’m not this girl who doesn’t know what she wants, and yet…” I trail off, shaking my head. “I love Jameson,” I tell him honestly. “I don’t want to hurt him. But I’m realizing I love you too, and even though I thought I moved on, I didn’t.”
He nods in understanding and flicks his head when his hair gets in his eye. “And what about me? Do you want to hurt me instead?”
“No.” I close my eyes. “God, no. I just…” I push my plate away. “I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t know what to think. And I … I’m sorry that I’m so confused and hurting you in the process.”
His Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow. “I’ve already waited this long for you, and I think even if I thought I had a chance fifty years from now I’d keep waiting.”
“Spencer.” I shake my head. “That’s a lot of pressure and I?—”
He places his hand over top of mine on the counter and gives it a gentle squeeze. When I glance at him, his smile is sad. “I’m not saying that to put pressure on you. I’m just being honest. You’re … well, you know how I feel about you.”
I nod. “I love you, Spencer, you know that, right?” I ask him.
His eyes are sad when he replies, “I know. But some loves are so damn painful they nearly kill you.”
With those words, we both get quiet. I stomach a few more bites of food but can’t clean my plate. He finishes his protein shake and cleans up.
In silence, we head out together and he follows me down the driveway in the car that’s there to take him to set.
We turn separate directions, and I wonder if that’s some sort of omen.
CHAPTER 51
HARLOW
“Did hot nerd fuck you so hard that you’ve lost all common sense?” Poppy asks after I’ve made yet another stupid blunder and have to toss a drink in the trash. “Because you have that just fucked look about you and you even came to work without a Cool Beans shirt.”
I turn around and make sure no customers can hear her. “No, not him.”
She laughs. “Not him. What does that…ohmygod,” she slurs the words together and grabs my wrist tightly. “Pablo, I love you, but I need you to handle things up here for like five-minutes by yourself. ‘Kay? Bye.”
She drags me through the swinging door into the back before he can protest.
“You slept with Spencer.” She points an accusing finger, but she’s grinning.
