Page 26 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
He wets his lips, tucking his hands into the pair of cargo shorts he changed into after we got back to the house. “Trust me, it is.”
“I’m not the fun parent,” I blurt. “I’m the one who has to remind her to brush her teeth and eat her vegetables. Ask her if she’s done her homework. Make sure she’s bathed and?—”
His brow crinkles. “You think I’m the fun parent?” He throws his head back and laughs. “Sure, I try to always do something fun when we’re together, but she has chores when she’s here, and she has to brush her teeth, eat vegetables, and take baths just like when she’s with you. But you’re … her constant, her safe place, I’m just that place she goes to sometimes.”
It’s like he’s thrust a dagger between my ribs, twisted it, and shoved it right into my heart.
I pause, gathering my thoughts. “She loves you so much. She talks about you all the time, tells everyone who will listen how awesome her daddy is. You’re her world. Believe me.”
He clears his throat. “We bother are, Low. I just wish I had more time with her.” My body stiffens at the perceived threat, even though nothing in his body language or tone made it one. He presses his lips together and shakes his head. “You know I would never take her from you. The way things are … yeah, I’m not happy about it. I didn’t want this … separation.” He wiggles a finger between the two of us. “You know that. I’ve always wanted to be together, raising our daughter. I love you, Low. I never stopped?—”
“Spencer—” I interject, but he holds up a hand begging me for silence.
“I know, believe me, I know. You’re with Jameson now, you have your life, I have mine, believe it or not.” He rubs his jaw, looking out the balcony doors for a brief moment. “But it doesn’t stop me from wondering what could’ve been, but I’ve accepted that’s all it’ll ever be. I had this ideal picture in my mind. You,me, and Roe. I thought you getting pregnant was the greatest thing ever. Sure, the timing sucked, but I thought it was an adventure.” Again, I go to interrupt, and he silences me. “I know I wasn’t much older than you, but I was older, and I didn’t see then how much your life was going to change because of a baby. I guess that was selfish of me, or just a guy thing. I don’t know.” He shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest. “But yeah, I saw us together forever and you … you didn’t, and that hurt.”
I shake my head, looking down at my feet. “Spencer, I never meant to hurt you and you make it sound like I had one foot out the door our whole relationship and that’s not true, but we were young. We were kids having a kid. We just … grew up.”
He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get on this topic of conversation. It’s not why I invited you over here today. I really do want us to be friends again. I miss you. I already lost one friend in my life. I don’t want to lose you, too, and I feel like I have.”
I want to say we never stopped being friends, but he’s right. Our relationship has been strained ever since he bought this house thinking it was for the three of us.
“It’s okay. It’s probably something we need to discuss more one day once … once things are better.”
He nods and moves closer, keeping a careful distance. “Could we get lunch next week?”
“Wow,” I laugh, “going right for it, huh?” Thinking for a second I say, “Wednesday should work, but I’ll let you know for sure.” Looking at the time on my phone, I groan. “I better get going so I can get Roe in time.”
The day has gotten away from me.
“Right.” He clears his throat, flipping the light switch off in her room. “Tell her hello for me and that I love her.”
“I will.” He walks me downstairs and out to my car. He seems lost in his own head. Opening my car door, I stand behind it and smile at him. “This was nice. I mean that. I’ve missed you.”
He stares back at me with this intense look in his eyes I can’t decipher. “I’ve missed you more than you know.” Clearing his throat, he adds, “Be careful.”
Closing the door, I crank the engine and turn around in the massive driveway. When I look in the rearview mirror, I find him standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, eyes squinted as he watches me drive away.
CHAPTER 9
SPENCER
EIGHT YEARS AGO
“Dude, I’m starving,” T.J. complains, rubbing his stomach. “Let’s stop and eat.” He points to some of the stands on the beach that serve food and hops off his skateboard.
“I could eat too,” Jason, another of our friends, agrees.
Soon the whole group is complaining about their stomachs and we’re ordering food.
We grab one of the empty picnic tables and cover it with all the various items we bought.
My skin is slick with sweat from our time spent at the skate park this afternoon and I have more than one scratch on my arms and legs. For sure I’ll get a massive bruise on my shin from a fall, but I don’t care. Part of skateboarding is knowing you’ll get injured. If you’re not okay with that then don’t get on a board.
Grabbing a basket of fries, I drench them in ketchup and stuff a few in my mouth.
Finishing our lunch, we skate around the area, goofing off and shoving each other off our boards. Basically, just being douchebags—especially considering we ditched school to ride around on our boards. If my parents find out they’ll be majorlydisappointed, but everyone deserves to play hooky every now and then.
Flipping my board up, I catch a glimpse of blond hair in my peripheral and look closer, thinking it’s Harlow ditching too. But it’s not. The girl looks a lot like her, though.
