Page 90 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
She sighs. “You always say that, and it always means no.”
I frown, hating that she sees it that way. “I … it doesn’t always mean no.”
She scoffs. “Yeah, it does.”
Jameson mouths, “What?” but I ignore him for the moment.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Spencer says to her.
“It is.” There’s a warble in her voice that has my stomach sinking. “She’s always too busy or too tired to do anything fun with me.” Now she’s full-on crying and I feel like complete and utter shit.
“Monroe!” Spencer calls out so I assume she’s run away. “Fuck,” he curses. “I’m sorry, Harlow. I’m sure she doesn’t mean that. I’m going to go check on her.”
“Yeah, she does,” I say softly and end the call.
I pull my hand from Jameson’s, not wanting to be touched right now, and bury my face in my hands.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his hand rubbing my back.
“Just my kid breaking my heart,” I sigh, dropping my hands.
“Are you okay?” His genuine concern makes me feel even worse.
“Yeah. I’m fine. But I think next weekend I need to hang out with Monroe and focus on her. Is that okay?”
His brows knit. “Fuck, Harlow. I hate that you feel like you even have to ask that. Of course it’s okay. She’s your daughter.”
“Thanks.” I give him a watery smile. “I’ll get myself together in a minute.”
“Take your time.”
We make it out of the lobby and begin our trek toward the boat landing before I speak again. “Having a kid is so much harder than I thought it would be and not in the ways you expect. I feel like I’m always failing her in some way, because there’s just not enough time. Especially with her in school now I see her even less and most of her weekends are spent with Spencer, so then she feels like she doesn’t get enough one on one time withme and she’s not wrong.” I sniffle and dam back the tears that desperately want to fall. “I don’t want her to grow up and think that I wasn’t there for her.”
Jameson pauses and pulls me into his arms. Instantly, my body relaxes. There’s something about him that always manages to provide me with comfort and peace.
“She won’t. I promise. She’ll grow up to see what a hardworking, dedicated mom she has. One who consistently has done everything she can to make her daughter’s life easier.”
I give him a watery smile. “Thank you.”
He smiles and releases me but only so he can cradle my cheeks. “I’m here anytime you need someone to give you a peptalk.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
He chuckles. “We’ll agree to disagree on that one.” He gives me a soft, tender kiss. “Are you good now or do I need to hype you up more, because I will?”
I laugh. “I’m good.”
“That’s my girl. Let’s go see some whales, okay?”
I nod and take his hand, letting him lead me the rest of the way. I still feel a little down, but not as bad as before. One thing is for certain; I’m going to have to go bodyboarding with her and Spencer next weekend.
CHAPTER 31
HARLOW
Sunday evening after getting back from my weekend trip, I’m wiping down the kitchen counters with disinfectant when there’s a knock on the door. I hurry over and open it, crouching down and opening my arms wide for Monroe to crash into, but instead she dodges past me straight to her room.
My face falls and I slowly get up, forced to see Spencer’s sympathetic expression.
