Page 93 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
I barely speak through dinner and Parker notices, but he doesn’t try to get me to engage which automatically scores him some points.
After we’re dropped back at the dorm, we’re silent on the way up to our room. He finally speaks when the door shuts behind us.
“Would you want to play COD?”
I want to say no, I really do, but something tells me not to. I’m going to be living with this guy for the next year. It’s for the best that we get along.
“Sure.” I shrug.
We’ve been playing for about an hour when Parker says, “You’re pretty quiet.”
“Yeah,” I sigh.
“That’s okay. I’m not much of a talker myself. But I get the impression there’s more going on with you and I just wanted to say it’s okay if you want to talk about it, and it’s okay if you don’t.”
I look at him in surprise. I feel like most of us guys avoid talking about anything remotely close to feelings at all costs, so it’s shocking that my new roommate is so open about it.
He must read the expression on my face and know exactly what I’m thinking, because he laughs, and says, “Sorry, both of my parents are therapists. I thought you caught that at dinner. Being observant and reading people has sort of rubbed off on me.”
I could tell him that I barely listened during dinner, but I don’t. Instead, I decide to be honest.
“My best friend was supposed to be here with me, but he … died.”
God, I hate that word. The finality in it makes me want to throw up. Dead. Died. They’re both so definitive. But I guess maybe that’s a good thing. No one can second guess what you’re saying.
Parker’s mouth opens and closes before he takes a deep breath. “That’s not what I expected you to say. How did it happen?”
He asks it in a way that doesn’t suggest he’s morbidly curious, more so that he’s giving me a sounding board to talk about the worst parts.
I run my fingers through my hair, hating the slight tremble in the digits. I’m scared it makes me weak being so affected by his death even this many months later.
“Drunk driver,” I answer.
“Fuck,” Parker curses. The way he gives me his full attention is nearly disarming.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “And then … there’s a high probability that my girlfriend’s sister ended up with his kidney.”
“Dude.” His eyes widen. “That’s wild. How are you doing?”
I decide then that I’m going to like my roommate. He might not be T.J., but he’s clearly not a bad guy.
“Some days are good, some days are bad,” I reply honestly. “Still doesn’t feel real a lot of the times,” I admit.
“That’s understandable. What’s his name?”
Parker continues to kick me in the gut. I feel like this his use of the present tense is a conscience decision.
“T.J.”
“T.J.,” he repeats with a kid smile. “Tell me about him so I can know him too.”
So, I do.
CHAPTER 33
HARLOW
It didn’t make sense for Spencer to pick up Monroe last night, since we’re getting together this morning to go bodyboarding. As nervous as I am to spend the day just the three of us, Monroe’s excitement helps to erase some of my doubts. Sometimes, as a parent, you have to be uncomfortable in order to do something special for your kid.
