Page 95 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“No one else isyou,” he says with desperation. “And I won’t be made to feel sorry forthat. You’re … you’re special, Harlow. I’ve always known that.”
I hold my hands up, pleading with him. “Can we not do this right now? Please? I’m here for Monroe.”
A muscle in his jaw ticks and he looks away. He utters a quiet, “Yeah, of course,” and walks away.
I drop my head back and groan.
This should be easy. We’re separated. I’m with Jameson. IloveJameson.
But I still love Spencer, too.
Water rushes over my head, momentarily drowning out Roe’s giggles. When I come up for air, I immediately make eye contact with Spencer. He’s smiling in a way that feels like a kick to the gut. It’s such a carefree, boyish smile that I can’t help but be reminded of the teenage version of him.
“This is so much fun!” Roe screams, the words joy personified.
Despite my reluctance, I’m glad that I decided to do this for the sole fact that it’s made Roe so happy.
My gaze slides toward Spencer again and from the sympathy that flashes across his face, I think he notices the guilt clouding my eyes. It’s my own selfishness that has prevented me from doing things with Spencer for the betterment of Monroe. Shame on me for that.
My stomach sours, because the fact is I’ve avoided Spencer because deep down I’ve known that if I spent more time with him, like we used to, I’d start questioning all the reasons I left in the first place.
“What’s wrong?” he mouths.
“Nothing,” I say back.
He purses his lips in a way that seems to sayI don’t believe you.
“Ow, my nose!” Monroe bobs between us and grabs her nose. “I got water up my nose. It burns.” I eye the wrap around her cast, making sure it’s still securely on.
“Just breathe through it,” Spencer tells her. “It’ll go away.”
“When will I be old enough to surf?” she asks a minute later.
Technically, she could have been surfing. It’s not like there’s an age limit to start. But I’m the hesitant one, and her broken arm only proves me right. Granted, that wasn’t surfing, but it was doing something similar.
Spencer makes eye contact with me and cocks his to the side, putting the ball directly in my court.
“Maybe once school is out and your cast comes off.”
If she’s expressing interest in learning, then I should let her. It would be wrong of me to continue putting it off.
Surprise lightens Spencer’s eyes.
“Seriously?” Roe squeals with excitement. “Daddy! Did you hear that? I can start learning soon!”
“I heard,” he laughs, glancing my way. Droplets of water stick to his face, dropping off his nose and chin. “I taught your mom to surf.”
She gasps dramatically. “You never told me that.” She swings my way, bobbing on her bodyboard. “Mom, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
I shrug. “It never came up.”
She gapes at me in a way that makes me think I’m getting a glimpse of teenage Monroe. “Puh-lease. I talk about surfing a lot, Mom.”
Sometimes, the way she says certain things, it’s hard not to laugh. But I keep it to myself because I don’t want her to think I’m laughingather.
“You can make it up to me by buying me a surfboard,” she reasons.
My bank account is screaming in terror at the prospect.
